Woman, How Should an Improper Emotion End? Maybe You Can Only Leave It to Fate

There are many similar plots in marital relationships because the initial ways of coping are different, so there are different marital trajectories and life experiences.

A woman accidentally had an improper relationship, now that her husband has found out, how should it end? This is a question a woman asked me at noon. It roughly means that a friend has been pursuing her; she “accidentally” made a mistake that her husband cannot tolerate. Last year, she could not resist her friend’s sweet talk and muddle-headedly got together with him; later, they would meet occasionally. Some time ago, her husband found out about this matter. Ever since then, the couple has been fighting all day; now, it has gotten to the point of divorce.

This woman said: My friend’s sweet talk made me suffer so much; I know I was wrong; after breaking up, I will never contact him again. I don’t want a divorce, but my husband is still angry; how can I get his forgiveness?

In fact, some harm, once it happens, will be a long-term destruction of the marital relationship. How it will eventually end can only be left to fate. In life, many people often lose their principles when facing emotional problems. Perhaps the marriage foundation was hollowed out by an “accidental” derailment. From then on, there were cracks in the marital relationship. Even if many people later turn back and regret, they may not be able to get the other half’s forgiveness.

I. A Woman’s Reflection

I won’t say much about the story of the woman in the above text, because I don’t know much about it. Whether she can keep her marriage is related to her future attitude. Whether she is forgiven or not is related to her husband’s attitude. Temporary forgiveness is not necessarily real forgiveness. What is certain is that even if her husband forgives her, it is only because he has no choice; he will have a shadow in his heart. If he has a new choice in the future, this woman should still not be able to keep her marriage. She can only leave it to fate, and not let her husband meet a “better” woman. Many extramarital affair cases show that very few men can truly forgive their wives for cheating. Temporary forgiveness is involuntary, and does not mean forgetting for a long time. I will tell you about a divorce case; this is a woman’s emotional experience and the reflection in her heart.

Ms. Huang is 34 years old and has been divorced for more than a month. In this past month, she has often cried until her face is covered in tears. Her ex-husband is unwilling to see her, her child is unwilling to pay attention to her, and even her parents are extremely disappointed in her. This is all because she did a series of things that harmed her marriage and her dignity. That year, as a married woman, she became her ex-boyfriend’s lover, and became dependent on him; she even fought with her husband over her ex-boyfriend and almost got a divorce…

Ms. Huang said: She should never have been so muddle-headed. I regret it so much and am so ashamed; I just want to return to my original family. Even if you make me work like an ox or a horse, I would be willing.

More than 2 years ago, Ms. Huang, who had been married for 6 years, encountered a “big surprise” in her life; a man confessed his love to her. This man was her ex-boyfriend whom she had loved in college; the ex-boyfriend was divorced, and the lonely him said that he was willing to cherish Ms. Huang. Women, whether before or after marriage, will always yearn for love. Although Ms. Huang had been married for 6 years at the time and had a husband and children, her yearning for “love” had not diminished. For her ex-boyfriend’s confession, Ms. Huang, who felt that her marriage was dull, was both surprised and happy.

Ms. Huang said: My ex-boyfriend found me not long after he got divorced; he said that he still loved me. I told him that after graduating, we were exes; don’t say that you love me anymore. But he kept confessing his love, and I felt warm; I thought back to the first time I went on a date with him in school; that was so sweet.

II. The Emotion Took Root and Sprouted; Difficult on Both Sides

Ms. Huang and her ex-boyfriend were in the same city; after graduating, they both stayed in the university city. Under her ex-boyfriend’s repeated “pleading,” Ms. Huang mustered up the courage to meet him. Because they were so close, it was very easy to meet. He was good at talking, in a few sentences, he persuaded Ms. Huang to “relive the romance” with him once again.

Ms. Huang said: He was very sad after the divorce, and I sympathized with him somewhat; after all, I had loved him before. Seeing that he was not doing well, I felt very sad in my heart. He said to take me to a place that had witnessed romance before; I followed him to the university where we had studied all those years ago. After all these years, he still remembered the playground where we had our first hug and kiss. I was moved by him; he kept saying that he wanted to relive the romance once again; in a moment of confusion, I relived it with him once again.

After leaving the university, Ms. Huang did not go home; instead, she went to her ex-boyfriend’s house. After one night, they parted reluctantly. Ms. Huang was both surprised and guilty in her heart. After all, she was her husband’s wife and her child’s mother; she should not have done such a thing. But after the guilt, she occasionally felt very romantic. Those few days, Ms. Huang was thinking all day; faced with her ex-boyfriend’s invitation again, Ms. Huang hesitated for a moment, and once again found a reason to fool her husband and secretly went to meet her ex-boyfriend.

Ms. Huang said: Because she had “accidentally” made a mistake the first time, it could not be made up for. I am very emotional; one time is wrong, and ten times is also wrong; in short, it is all wrong. I have made strict requirements for myself; at most, I will meet him ten times and use ten chances to relive the past romance; after I am finished, I will never contact him again.

The ten “chances” were used up in about a month; her ex-boyfriend did not want to break up, and Ms. Huang was also somewhat reluctant in her heart. Ms. Huang gave herself ten more “chances.” Later, Ms. Huang found excuses for herself again and again, and the two sides interacted for more than a year. Because Ms. Huang especially loved to dress up, her husband eventually found out.

Ms. Huang said: This feeling is really strange; I know that my family is more important, but at that time, it was difficult on both sides. Faced with my husband’s questioning and accusations, my mood was affected; I felt that my husband did not love me and was not as good at loving me as my ex-boyfriend.

Ms. Huang’s experience shows that even if she knows she is wrong, because the “emotion” has taken root and sprouted, she gradually embarked on a path of no return.

III. When the Divorce Happened, She Left Home

More than a year ago, ever since Ms. Huang’s affair with her ex-boyfriend was discovered by her husband, their marital relationship began to deteriorate. Ms. Huang apologized and admitted her mistake on the surface, and her husband forgave her. But secretly, Ms. Huang was still in contact with her ex-boyfriend. In Ms. Huang’s words: At that time, I felt that it was too cruel to break up; my ex-boyfriend was so good to me, and I could not let him down. His wife left him, and no one was with him; I always felt that he was very pitiful. As someone who he had loved before, I should comfort him and encourage him. Although my actions were wrong and seriously harmed our marital relationship, I always felt that my husband had a better life than him. My husband did not know how lucky he was; my ex-boyfriend needed companionship more.

At that time, Ms. Huang had already had the idea of divorce. She wanted to follow her ex-boyfriend after the divorce and rekindle their former relationship. She gradually made up her mind that if her husband continued to be the same, she would resolutely divorce. At that time, her ex-boyfriend also always encouraged her to get a divorce. You cannot hang yourself from a tree; only I understand you; only you and I know each other inside and out.

Because Ms. Huang did not repent at all and was always in contact with her ex-boyfriend, she did many things that were too much. A month later, her husband once again discovered the traces of Ms. Huang’s cheating. The couple made a lot of noise, and the husband hit her. Faced with her husband’s questioning once again, Ms. Huang admitted frankly, That’s right, you guessed it all. She told her husband: Don’t always threaten me with divorce; actually, I have long wanted to break up with you. Only he understands me, and only he loves me; he is countless times stronger than you. I have been married to you for so many years, but it has not been as good as spending this past year with him. Let’s part ways on good terms; I hope you keep your word and let’s get a divorce as soon as possible.

The couple could not reach a consensus, and Ms. ‘s attitude became increasingly forceful; later, Ms. ‘s husband panicked. He became less and less tempered and gradually softened his attitude, and even lowered his voice to beg Ms. not to divorce him. Her ex-boyfriend kept urging Ms. to get a divorce, but Ms. ‘s husband never agreed to the divorce. Ms. was very confused, she had no choice but to leave this city with her ex-boyfriend and went out of town to relax.

In order to get a divorce, Ms. ruthlessly left home, hoping that her husband would take the initiative to compromise and then fulfill them. Ms. ‘s husband was helpless, so he went to Ms. ‘s parents’ house to ask the elderly people for help. Her parents were kind people and were willing to educate their daughter. However, even faced with her parents’ scolding and rebuke, Ms. still did not repent. Every time her parents called, Ms. said that this was her own choice, and that she did not regret it at all; her own business did not need others to point fingers at her. Her parents were so angry that they would no longer recognize Ms. as their daughter .

IV. Even If You Turn Back, You Cannot Save the Marriage

About 10 months ago, Ms. went on a trip with her ex-boyfriend and left her husband and child at home. The two of them went to several romantic cities, while enjoying the “romance” and while discussing the details of their divorce. But very coincidentally, just when Ms. ‘s cheating had come to fruition, her ex-boyfriend’s ex-wife came back. Faced with these two women who wanted to spend their days with him, her ex-boyfriend chose his ex-wife. The reason was very simple; he had a child with his ex-wife, so he could not marry Ms. . Ms. fantasized in vain; she left home for more than 2 months for him, but in the end, she did not achieve her goal. When they broke up, she scratched her ex-boyfriend’s face. Her ex-boyfriend knelt down and apologized, hoping that Ms. would understand his predicament. He gave Ms. tens of thousands of dollars and told her to go home and live a good life with her husband.

On one side was her ex-boyfriend who had abandoned her, and on the other side was her husband who was still waiting for her at home. With nowhere to go, Ms. thought about it and chose to go home. After testing him several times, she felt that her husband was reluctant to divorce and felt that he still loved her. Under her husband’s request, Ms. took advantage of the opportunity to agree to return home. She apologized to her husband, saying that she would live a good life and never make mistakes again. In the future, the couple would live together and live happily ever after.

Seven months ago, Ms. returned home, and her husband forgave her. Ms. felt that her husband was a good person and was worth cherishing. She had hurt him so much before, but he forgave her; she could no longer be foolish.

Since Ms. returned, in the past six months, the couple had always been at peace with each other, and their relationship had also slowly improved. In Ms. ‘s eyes, the couple had already restored their former harmony. After experiencing such a lesson, she would no longer believe other people’s sweet talk. She believed that as long as she did not make any more mistakes, the marriage would still be beautiful and that they could grow old together.

Who would have thought that 6 months later, Ms. ‘s husband suddenly proposed a divorce. He said that he had been very tired in the past six months and had gradually figured it out; he could no longer continue living like this. Every time he thought of Ms. ‘s past actions, he felt very useless and wronged himself. He had endured it for six months, but he still couldn’t endure it.

Ms. said: I know he is very sad, and I also swear that I will sincerely repent. I just want to live a good life with him; how could he lie to me? Our relationship has already recovered, but suddenly he said that he no longer wants to be with me. He does not cherish this hard-won relationship and always brings up old scores to find fault with me. I trust him so much, how could he play with me?

V. Some Things Cannot Be Forgiven

More than a month ago, Ms. divorced. No matter how much Ms. cried and made a scene, her husband was determined to divorce. He brought up those old scores and told Ms. them one by one, accusing her of having no dignity and not being worthy of forgiveness. At the beginning, he forgave her because he had no other choice; now, he had completely given up.

It was not until after the divorce that Ms. slowly understood that some things were thorns in her heart that could never be forgiven. Her husband had indeed not forgiven her; he still remembered those grievances. Ms. had been divorced for more than a month, and about her own mistakes, Ms. said that she accepted her fate. But she believed that her ex-husband was also at fault; he had had an extramarital relationship, so he divorced her.

A few days ago, Ms. learned about her ex-husband’s new relationship. She suddenly felt very wronged and felt that she had been played by her ex-husband. Ms. said: I was played by my ex-husband; at that time, for his sake, I had already changed my ways. I was willing to live with him, and he also expressed that he was willing to forgive me, but he secretly cheated on me outside and committed acts that harmed our marriage. I don’t want to pursue his responsibility; I just want him to give me an explanation; I hope he pities me; it wasn’t easy for me either. I am willing to stay by his side for the rest of my life, to live a good life, and I hope he leaves that woman.

Ms. ‘s emotional experience ends here; she wants to remarry, but the chances are very slim. It is said that her ex-husband and that woman had known each other for more than half a year; they were already together before they divorced. Perhaps it will not be long before he marries his girlfriend.

This marriage case deserves some people’s serious reflection; if it were not for following her ex-boyfriend without hesitation, Ms. should have been a happy woman. Sometimes, when you go the wrong way, you can never go back. Imagine if her ex-boyfriend had accepted Ms. back then, she definitely would not have changed her ways, and she would not have returned home; perhaps she would have gotten a divorce long ago. Therefore, Ms. ‘s divorce was not unjust; it was caused by herself.

In a relationship, some so-called “forgiveness” is not real forgiveness. The problem of extramarital affairs, no matter what the outcome, must be accepted calmly. The mistakes you make and the path you choose must bear the consequences.

VI. Do Not Fantasize About Extra Love After Marriage

About love, ten thousand people have ten thousand different opinions. Only one point is the same: love must be single-minded. Married people can only love their significant other. After marriage, you can no longer fantasize about extra love. If your emotions go astray, it will be difficult to end in the future. Many people used to feel that married life was very heavy, and many people used to meet people who “understood themselves” more, so they did not want to continue living. They only wanted to divorce, and they would do anything to get a divorce. But only after the divorce did they discover that life was actually heavier. There are no shortcuts in life; love must be unique, and marriage must be loyal. People who do not respect marriage, even if they do not live a good life, have no reason to be wronged. If you had known this, why bother? In the next relationship, be more serious and do not make the same mistake again.