Why Doesn’t He Appreciate My Kindness?
Why is it that I’m so good to him, yet he doesn’t appreciate it? Why do I put in so much effort, only to end up being dumped or cheated on? Why is he so stingy with investing in me, even though he’s not short of money?…
All these questions can be answered with one word—women’s “frame”.
In a romantic relationship, a woman must have her own frame. Without a frame, there is no charm, and men won’t cherish her.
What is a frame?
It’s the behavioral limits you establish for each other during the interaction, and your responses to each other’s behavior, which then determines how he treats you.
Emotional low status is not just about low value, but also about feeling undervalued, which is demonstrated by putting in a lot of effort in a relationship and not getting the appreciation you deserve.
We often see a girl who is good-looking, has a good figure, a decent income, and is caring to her boyfriend, but still gets dumped or cheated on. The reason is that these girls are too good to their boyfriends, to the extent that they completely lose their own frame.
Why do you always end up being taken advantage of in a relationship? It’s because you don’t know how to establish your own frame.
Let’s look at a few examples to help you understand more clearly.
1. Establishing a Frame in Conversation
Losing the frame:
Guy: “I prefer girls who are good at household chores. Can you cook?”
(Guy is screening)
Girl: “Yes, I can. I can cook braised pork.”
(Falls into the frame)
Guy: “Great, I’ll try your cooking when I have time.”
(Loses dominance)
Establishing the frame:
Guy: “I prefer girls who are good at household chores. Can you cook?”
(Guy is screening)
Girl: “Sure, if you behave well, I don’t mind rewarding you with my specialty, braised pork.”
(Counters the frame)
Guy: “Wow, then I better behave well.”
(Falls into the frame)
This is the basic establishment of a frame in a conversation.
In fact, frame establishment goes through different stages in the entire process of a relationship, not just in conversations.
2. Establishing a Frame in the Pursuit Stage: Goddess Conquest Test
The goddess conquest test is a method to make the other party gradually submit to you.
This tactic was originally used by men to flirt with women. It involves gradually making requests to the woman by exploiting her psychological weaknesses.
For example, if a man wants to kiss a girl he likes (and the girl also has feelings for him), if he directly tells her that he wants to kiss her, most girls would refuse this sudden request because the relationship hasn’t reached that stage yet.
But if he asks her out for dinner, or to watch a movie, these requests are generally not refused because they are not excessive.
During the date, he might start to touch the girl’s head intentionally or unintentionally, gradually creating an ambiguous atmosphere, or pretend to compare the sizes of their hands and take the opportunity to hold her hand firmly.
While observing the girl’s reaction, if she appears shy but doesn’t resist, he will gradually get closer to her, have intimate physical contact, and then slowly hug her, eventually leading to a natural kiss.
This is the simplest form of “conquest test”.
By first making a small request that the girl agrees to, and then gradually increasing the requests, using a step-by-step approach to get her to accept more of his demands.
So, how can you adapt this tactic into your own art of taming men?
If you directly tell a man, “I like you, let’s be together,” or “Buy me a car,” no one will take you seriously.
But if you use the “conquest test” and first test him with small requests, then gradually increase the tests, one after another, making him gradually submit to you.
From accumulating small acts of submission to larger ones, increasing his investment in you. Then, he will invest more and like you more, unconsciously being led by you.
Emotions come from investment, and the more you invest, the deeper the emotion.
The more you invest in him, the more you naturally love him; the more he invests in you, the more he naturally loves you, and you naturally gain the upper hand.
The use of submission tests is actually a big trick to control men.
3. Establishing a Frame in Love and Marriage: Clear Rewards and Punishments
Now, let’s talk about establishing a frame in love and marriage.
Let’s share two stories:
Story one:
A girl, over a period of five years, has been abandoned and betrayed by her husband countless times, but she never left, forgiving him effortlessly each time.
With such a low bottom line and weak frame, the cost of his infidelity is virtually zero, allowing him to recklessly cheat outside, and when he returns tired, he just says, “Go on, bring me my food.”
Story two:
A girl actively pursued a guy, so in the course of their relationship, she continued to be more proactive in various aspects.
Eventually, the guy started asking her to buy things for him, and over time, the girl felt very aggrieved.
What is the problem in these two stories?
Clearly, the emotional frame between them is unbalanced, leading the man to take control, while the woman always has a “weak frame” approach.
The issue is not knowing how to clearly reward and punish, and spoiling the man.
To reverse the situation, you must counter-establish the frame and create a system of rewards and punishments.
Returning to story one:
The approach with a strong frame is: when faced with infidelity, first consider whether you want to salvage the marriage. If not, start the divorce proceedings. But if you do want to salvage it, then directly move on to the second step: punishment.
Whether it’s time punishment, emotional punishment, or monetary punishment (the simplest being to make him pay a hefty financial price, preferably gaining control of the household finances), the amount of compensation should be measured based on the severity of the man’s mistake. In general, the amount of compensation should exceed the severity of the man’s mistake.
Make him spend on you, beyond the usual everyday items, such as brand-name bags, jewelry, and so on, items for your personal use.
Compensation has a disciplinary effect on the man and a soothing effect on the woman. By quantifying anger, make the man associate certain behaviors with unpleasant memories, thereby correcting his behavior.
In short, you must make the other person realize that the action comes with a steep price, so the next time he does it, he will weigh the cost.
Training a man is similar to taming a wild animal. To make him obedient, you can’t just offer sweet rewards, but also some bitter ones; establishing a system of rewards and punishments is the wisdom of taming men.
Returning to story two:
The approach with a strong frame is: when the guy casually asks the girl to buy things for him, she can respond, “Someone has been performing poorly lately, a negative review, and no extra benefits.”
This subtly counter-establishes the frame: the treatment you receive is based on your performance. A top-tier woman is “hard to get,” a second-tier woman is “on and off,” and a third-tier woman is “completely compliant.”
Men who are highly talented and successful are not attracted to “weak frame” women, but to women with their own temper, wisdom, and opinions.
Facing a stingy man:
Weak frame woman: He doesn’t even want to buy me a gift, he doesn’t love me enough.
Strong frame woman: Is he truly poor, or just unwilling? Did I misjudge him, or did I spoil him from the start?
Facing an unambitious man:
Weak frame woman: Look at how amazing xx’s man is, what about you?
Strong frame woman: Am I too outstanding, or is he just useless? If he truly can’t improve, then it’s better to let go!
Facing a man who treats you exceptionally well:
Weak frame woman: He’s really good, I must hold onto him tightly and treat him even better.
Strong frame woman: If a man treats me well, it’s because I am good enough, not because he is good!
Establishing a frame is somewhat like a game, but within the game, there is also cooperation.
Just like sellers and buyers, most sellers tend to please buyers, but the more they please, the more picky the buyers become, and they might switch suppliers at any moment.
However, there are also cases where buyers are seeking out sellers. The seller sets the standards, screens the buyers, and supplies in limited quantities.
These sellers are people who deeply understand the concept of framing.
Similarly, in a relationship, when you have established a strong frame in your mind, you can easily turn the tables and become the one doing the screening, winning the affection!
