Why do Good Girls Always Fall for Jerks?

The reason why someone is attractive is because their presence holds a rewarding significance for others.

In Haruki Murakami’s classic novel “Norwegian Wood,” there is a character named Nagasawa.

He is a very unique person.

For example, he comes from a wealthy family, is intelligent and studious. While other students were busy enjoying themselves, he was already self-studying various languages, working towards his goal of becoming a diplomat.

Not only that, he is also responsible and charming. When there are conflicts among students, he steps in to resolve them. When he speaks in a crowd, everyone is drawn to him.

But despite being such a person, he is a complete jerk when it comes to relationships.

He has a beautiful and elegant girlfriend named Naoko, but he rejects her, doesn’t care about her, and shows no responsibility towards her.

“If Naoko wants to marry someone else, that’s fine by me. If she doesn’t want to get married and wants to wait for me, then she can wait.”

Not only that, Nagasawa also indulges himself in various bars and enjoys sleeping with strangers.

In the end, Naoko, the heartbroken girlfriend, commits suicide.

The story between Naoko and Nagasawa is a typical tale of a good girl falling for a jerk.

Art imitates life, and such stories are also highly representative in real life.

The ones who seem the least honest, responsible, and accountable are often the ones who are liked by many.

Why does this happen?

Today, let’s talk about the psychological logic behind this phenomenon.

To explain this question, we first need to understand a concept:

Attraction.

In the eyes of psychologists, the reason why someone is attractive is because their presence holds a rewarding significance for others.

This reward can be a sense of mental pleasure.

For example, when you see a handsome guy or a beautiful girl on the street, they appear very pleasing.

This is the pleasure that comes from their good looks, so people with good looks have high attractiveness in interpersonal relationships.

This reward can also satisfy a sense of narcissism.

For example, when someone compliments your elegance or charm, you feel happy and develop a liking towards them.

As someone once said:

“No matter how much I dislike someone, as long as that person likes me, I won’t dislike them at all.”

Unfortunately, in all these aspects, jerks are better than honest and decent people.

They are generous with their compliments and flattery towards their “prey,” with no intention of taking responsibility for their words.

This is why those who genuinely love and express their feelings often appear foolish. They focus more on whether their words are sincere and whether their promises can be fulfilled, rather than just making you happy in the moment.

In the movie “Gone with the Bullets,” there is a line that says, “When you like someone, you let loose, but when you love someone, you exercise restraint.” That’s what it means.

Therefore, in terms of the dating experience, jerks are often better than decent people.

Moreover, certain traits of jerks can fulfill the deep desires of good girls.

A person’s personality has two sides: the outward side and the inward side.

For many good girls, or obedient girls, their outward side is characterized by traits such as being reasonable, considerate of others, and willing to give. These are the traits that others recognize and encourage in them during their growth.

On the other hand, deep inside, good girls also have impulsive and rebellious sides, but these traits are not accepted, so they are suppressed deep within.

These so-called “negative” traits, although not accepted externally, are an important source of vitality, autonomy, creativity, and emotions for a person.

So if you observe in real life, you will find that the more perfect a person’s character is, the more they lack a certain vitality and liveliness.

But this vitality and liveliness is perfectly embodied in “jerks.” They enjoy the present moment, hate being restrained, and can do whatever it takes to fulfill a small desire, without any constraints or inhibitions.

And these behaviors can awaken the suppressed desires deep within these “good girls.” When they interact with “jerks,” they suddenly discover another side of themselves.

Psychologist Carl Jung believed that the pursuit of personal integrity is the ultimate goal of life. In fact, for all of us, we spend our entire lives searching for our other side.

So, on the surface, what these “good girls” fall in love with are irresponsible “jerks,” but in reality, they fall in love with the other side of themselves that has been awakened.

From these perspectives, it is true that jerks have a natural attractiveness for good girls.

Being attracted is not wrong, but in order to avoid getting hurt, it is important to remind oneself rationally:

Jerks have never considered taking responsibility for another person, let alone helping you become your complete self. Instead, they only care about themselves and pursue a philosophy of personal pleasure.

Therefore, the initial beautiful experiences in relationships often fade away quickly and are hard to sustain.

If you fail to realize this in a timely manner and get deeply trapped, the only one who will be hurt is yourself.