Why Do Couples Whose Relationship Has Broken Find It Hard to Part Amicably
If a couple’s relationship has truly broken down, then parting amicably is actually the best outcome.
Parting amicably is a way to respect the many years of feelings in the past and to protect the children as much as possible.
However, parting amicably is often just an ideal state or a beautiful fantasy in people’s minds, based on the assumption of “good human nature.” In reality, most couples find it difficult to part amicably.
Marriage is an intimate relationship. When such intimacy reaches a breaking point, you can imagine how deteriorated the relationship between the two has become. Forget about past feelings; even basic rational communication becomes impossible, making parting amicably unattainable.
Only a few couples end their marriage peacefully. Most couples have gone through a long period of disputes where trust and affection have completely vanished. They may see each other as enemies, making it impossible to part amicably.
After emotions fade in a marriage, all that’s left is self-interest—without emotions, the only thing to discuss is benefits and money. In the face of self-interest, people turn ugly, viewing each other as petty and selfish.
Marriage can bring out the best and worst in people. While some couples grow old together in harmony, others become ugly and monstrous, showing that marriage is not all roses.
Many divorced individuals look back at the divorce process with a cold heart. They never expected the person they spent so many years with to hurt them so deeply, ending up as strangers with indifferent faces. Reflecting on their past actions, they may also despise themselves for being transformed by the marriage.
That’s why some say, “Divorce reveals true character,” and there is truth in that.
If you want to part amicably in a divorce, you need at least two basic premises.
First, there must be compromises. If both sides refuse to budge, reaching a consensus is impossible. In such cases, the one who dominates the relationship is often the more ruthless and selfish one. Therefore, the kind-hearted and gentle one must make concessions to end the relationship quickly and minimize the secondary harm from divorce.
In reality, those who suffer in divorce are often the kind-hearted and gentle ones. Marriage laws rarely protect their interests. Even if they do, you have to sacrifice a part of yourself to defend your interests. This may involve confronting the other party, which many find hard to do and end up giving in.
I’ve seen many betrayed individuals who ended up with nothing in the end. Is it hard to understand? Yes, but also not really.
Second, one must take responsibility. When a marriage reaches its end due to incompatible personalities or faded affections, even if there’s still reluctance at the moment of separation, time can heal. What’s truly hard to accept after many years is not the end of feelings but rather the way it ends.
Even in marriages where one party is at fault, ending it with responsibility, such as compensating emotionally with financial support or taking responsibility for the children, is possible. However, many people in reality end their marriages without any sense of responsibility, acting like heartless killers, caring only for themselves and being extremely petty.
When faced with such individuals, you may find it hard to understand whether they were always like this or changed over time. But what’s crucial is that when you face such people, you will shudder, and you probably want no connection with them for the rest of your life.
In fact, ending things and seeing a person for who they truly are isn’t always a bad thing.
So, you also need to be open-minded. If you encounter such people in a marriage, how can you expect to part amicably?
