Why Can’t You Find the Right Person?
For many people, finding a good partner is difficult. They always seem to meet the “wrong” person. Yes, they continue to date, but each time they end up in unsatisfactory relationships. In my view, this is determined by the following reasons.
1. Expecting love that isn’t meant for them
Some people are addicted to the pursuit. They love the thrill of trying the forbidden. They often love those who don’t pay attention to them, have no interest in them, or are even bad for them.
This is human nature; we all have a penchant for wanting things that aren’t meant for us. This phenomenon is known as “rarity value.” We always believe that the harder something is to obtain, the more valuable it is. However, this isn’t always the case.
Some people always fail to find the right person because of this “rarity value” trap. By always pursuing those who aren’t meant for them, sometimes it’s a form of “self-expression” (I want to show them how great I am!) and sometimes it’s a display of low self-esteem (How can I make her love me?).
Antidote: Stop blindly pursuing. No one is truly worth chasing after. What you need to find is someone who is just right for you.
2. Biases narrow the choices
People often get hurt in love. So, they have to find ways to protect themselves. They find two ways to avoid disappointment and injury.
One, they have low expectations of themselves and always find excuses for their failures. In psychology, this phenomenon is called “self-handicapping.”
In the other scenario, they don’t have high expectations of others and gain a sense of superiority by belittling others. This is called “prejudgment.”
Both biases lead to problematic relationships and prevent them from seeing a truly good match.
Antidote: Forget the past and take a good look at the people around you. In fact, most people are pretty good, and they are also looking for a reliable love just like you.
3. Belief in destiny in love
For most people, dating is a process of trial and error. In the end, they find someone who attracts them, suits them, and is also interested in them. It requires energy and effort.
However, some people identify more with the power of fate. They believe that love is not within their control and they won’t put in too much effort. They believe that they will always meet a soulmate who truly loves them.
In fact, these beliefs often make these people very picky and even lead them to reject some decent suitors. In the pursuit of love, they become negative. In the end, they lack a sense of control over love in their lives. So, whenever they meet someone who isn’t perfect, they feel disappointed.
Antidote: Find a decent partner, but don’t expect them to be perfect. Compared to them, there will always be better or worse people. It’s best to find someone relatively suitable, someone willing to make appropriate changes alongside you. Yes, it may not sound very romantic, but it’s more reliable!
