Why Can Some People Maintain Long-term Attraction to the Opposite Sex?
The Difference Between Value and Attraction in Relationships
Some people can maintain long-term attraction in relationships, while others lose their charm after a while, and some fail to attract the opposite sex at all. What exactly is the secret for those who can sustain long-term attraction?
The Difference Between “Contributing Value” and “Attraction”
Some say that providing value to the other person is essential for maintaining a long-term relationship, such as providing financial and career assistance, companionship and care in life, emotional support and comfort, helping with filial piety, raising children, and so on.
Providing value to the other person does indeed help maintain a relationship. In reality, marriages sustained by mutual dependency are very common. For many, marriage is about the necessities of life, raising children, owning a house, and securing a future for retirement. Even if they are already tired of their partner, they choose to compromise and carry on.
However, many people are not content with such a relationship. After having their material needs met, they start to focus more on their inner happiness. At this stage, relationships based solely on providing value become fragile. They expect their partners to have not only external support and assistance but also an internal attraction that inspires them to follow.
So, what exactly is attraction? I once saw a very vivid example online that explained what attraction is:
There are two birds.
One has beautiful colorful feathers, a melodious voice, and bright, clear eyes. You are fascinated by it and want to have it, but any slight disturbance could make it fly away. So, you cautiously get to know it, and it is willing to perch on your shoulder or even on your hand. But you still dare not be negligent, because you know it could leave at any time, and you might never see it again. You treasure every day spent with it.
The other bird has ordinary feathers and a common call. It rushes to you as soon as you beckon. Perhaps you are pleased at first. However, soon you find that no matter how much you try to drive it away, it clings to you. Even when you try to avoid it, it aggressively follows and even pecks at you.
Clearly, the first bird gives you the feeling of attraction. Your heart is “conquered” by a force, that is attraction.
Qualities of Attractive People
In fact, there is no essential difference between attracting the opposite sex and attracting the same sex. People who can maintain long-term attraction to the opposite sex must also have personal charm among their same-sex friends. These people have the following three commonalities:
- They possess something unique and outstanding.
People who stand out in a crowd must have something rare about them to attract attention and arouse the desire to possess and pursue them. They are either exceptionally intelligent, kind-hearted, talented, charismatic, unique, capable, emotionally intelligent, or exceptionally good-looking…
Some say that good looks, figure, and fashionable attire are the keys to attracting the opposite sex. However, aging and the fading of beauty are inevitable for everyone. Without outstanding inner qualities, the initial appeal will fade, and the person will be as dull as plain water.
Good looks do have advantages, as the opposite sex may be more tolerant of other flaws in a handsome or beautiful person. But for a long-term relationship, tolerance also has its limits. Even if someone is as beautiful as a fairy, they still need to have something on the inside.
- They live independently, not relying on others for material or spiritual support.
No one wants to live a difficult life. When they have to shoulder the burden of another person, they may enjoy the sense of accomplishment at first due to love and passion, but over time, this dedication no longer seems beautiful and becomes a heavy burden.
If one needs material support from others and craves their care and attention, they are no different from underage children. Apart from parents, who can selflessly dedicate themselves to others without expecting anything in return? No one would be willing to endure this for an extended period.
Moreover, a person who cannot survive independently in their prime is not likely to be outstanding.
- They have a carefree mindset.
Carefree people do not crave others’ admiration, praise, or love. If the person they love also loves them, that’s great. But if they are neglected, looked down upon, or even hurt, they can choose to leave without hesitation, without holding back or hesitating, and they might never return.
Such people make others think twice before neglecting or hurting them because they would leave without a trace, giving no chance for regrets. Every day spent with them is worth cherishing. The rarer something is, the more happiness it brings when one possesses it.
In love, be that beautiful, independent bird that can fly away at any time!
