Why Are More and More People Unwilling to Get Married?
I was chatting with a few friends, and we started talking about marriage, kids, and retirement.
Two of my friends are already married with kids. They both agreed on marriage, saying, “I’m married, so I wouldn’t easily advise others to get married. I’ve had kids, so I wouldn’t easily advise others to have kids.”
Hearing this, the rest of us felt awkward. Those who were about to get married started doubting themselves, wondering if they should get married. Those who didn’t have a boyfriend thought it was actually pretty good being single.
I don’t know when it started, but when people talk about “marriage,” it doesn’t seem like a must-have in life anymore, especially for those who have their lives figured out.
And those who haven’t lived the life they want are still working hard. Fewer and fewer people see marriage as a woman’s second chance at life. More and more people realize they are the only ones they can rely on in life.
Why are more and more people unwilling to get married? Why are many people in marriages not hopeful about it?
Professor Li Yinhe once made a shocking statement about marriage: “The marriage system will eventually disappear!”
Professor Li Yinhe is a famous sociologist. She’s the widow of the late writer Wang Xiaobo, and she’s also an independent scholar and researcher on relationships. She has unique views on marriage.
She said that people are increasingly unwilling to get married because marriage is a stressful relationship that feels like a “shackle” for both people. Life is so long, and after you get married, you’re stuck with the same person for the rest of your life. It can get boring.
Plus, the cost of divorce is high, making people increasingly afraid of marriage and choosing not to marry.
Professor Li Yinhe’s words hit the nail on the head. It’s hard not to be impressed. Based on her views, I think there are a few reasons why people are increasingly unwilling to get married.
Uncertainty in Love
Professor Li Yinhe said, “The highest value in life is to pursue happiness, not to pursue forever.”
People are naturally fickle. The longer two people are together, the more they reveal their true selves, and the less attractive they become to each other. It leads to boredom and even feelings of disgust.
Modern society is full of temptations. The friction between couples caused by their constant close proximity, as well as the various worries and pressures of life, all negatively affect their relationship.
Therefore, extramarital affairs, betrayal, and the intrusion of a third party are common, making many people feel insecure about marriage. They think their partners can’t be faithful, so they feel resistant and even repulsed by marriage.
Under the influence of these emotions, some people think that single life can avoid the messy details and complicated family relationships of marriage. Without those conflicts, their love can last longer.
Women’s Independence
With the rise of women’s status, many women are no longer content to be the woman behind the man. They stand on the same level as men and create their own success. In many areas, women are playing an increasingly dominant role.
Some women no longer get married for the sake of getting married. They think that if they can’t find the right person, they’d rather be single and enjoy themselves.
When you can afford to buy a house and a car, when you can plan your life and your retirement, but you can’t find someone who’s your equal and who you love, would you lower your standards and marry just any guy?
Of course not. For independent women, love is a bonus. It’s great if you have it, but you won’t be miserable for the rest of your life if you don’t.
It’s better to live for yourself and be free than to be entangled in marriage and family.
The Cost of Divorce
If a couple doesn’t get along after getting married, and they can’t make things work no matter how hard they try, then they only have one option left: divorce.
After all, modern men and women are no longer like they used to be. They don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed of divorce. They don’t need to maintain the facade of a happy marriage.
However, divorce is expensive for both men and women. It can mean losing half of your assets, and you have to start all over again.
If a couple owns a house together, they need to decide who gets the house after divorce. If they split it 50/50, the one who gets the house has to bear the burden of half the price, and the one who doesn’t get the house has to think about buying a new place.
In families with children, there are also issues of child custody and expenses. Divorce lawsuits are not only a financial loss, but also a mental torture for both parties.
So, many people think that if they get married, they might face divorce later. The loss would be irreparable, so they’d rather just date and not get married.
The Purpose of Sex
In traditional marriages, the next step after getting married is to have children and raise them. However, modern people’s views have changed, leading some people to not want to take on the responsibility and obligation of raising a child.
In this case, the reason for a man and woman to be together is for sensual pleasure, not for having children. If it’s about happiness, then there’s no need to get married.
After all, once you get married, you need a certificate to regulate your behavior. If your feelings change, you have to face many complicated choices.
Just being together, enjoying each other’s company, and breaking up if you don’t get along, without any financial entanglements.
So, some people choose not to get married and simply pursue their own freedom.
Indeed, economic development and increased pressure have made many people feel overwhelmed.
There are more and more older single men and women in cities. Some of them are left behind because they have high standards. Others are hesitant about marriage because they can’t find a reason to get married.
Professor Li Yinhe said, “Many people who are happily married simply know what kind of marriage they want beforehand.”
People who hesitate about marriage simply haven’t found the love they want. They don’t know what kind of life they want, and they’re discouraged by the stories of failed marriages they hear from others.
There’s really no need for this. Everyone is different, and everyone has different abilities and methods for managing relationships.
Some people can’t see their own needs. They don’t know what they want from marriage, and they don’t know what they can give to marriage. So they blindly follow the negative comments about marriage.
Some people simply follow the trend. They think they don’t like to be tied down, and not getting married is a free thing.
But in reality, nothing in this world is absolute. Getting married or not getting married is a lifestyle choice that mature people make for themselves. There’s no right or wrong answer.
And no matter what path we choose, we should at least be able to take responsibility for our choices and actions. Not everything people say is true, and the sadness that others experience doesn’t mean we’ll face the same thing.
