Whose Fault is Betrayal, Definitely the One Betraying the Relationship, Not You who Suffer Betrayal

“Don’t punish yourself for others’ mistakes”—this is a principle everyone understands and accepts.

However, when faced with betrayal, many people still fall into a paradox.

When it comes to experiencing betrayal in a relationship, whose fault is it—you who suffered betrayal or the one who betrayed you?

The answer is crystal clear: it’s definitely the other person’s fault, without a doubt. This is a must in dealing with betrayal. If you can’t even determine whose fault the betrayal is, then it’s impossible to handle the betrayal properly.

Some may say, “You’re not good, so I betrayed the relationship and marriage.” This reasoning is like saying, “I’m poor, so I have to steal and rob…” Moreover, is the person who suffers betrayal really not good? If they are truly not good, why did the betrayer choose them in the first place?

Therefore, most betrayals are actually just a result of seeking novelty and abandoning the old, regardless of whether the person who suffered betrayal is good or bad.

If you are unclear about whose fault the betrayal is, then your understanding is also flawed. Our understanding is fundamental to thinking, judging, and solving problems. Correct understanding leads to resolving issues, while incorrect understanding will never solve problems.

In reality, people do have this understanding, but due to subconscious helplessness, they give up on the correct understanding. For example, when the other person betrays you without remorse or correction, and yet you still hope to save the marriage, this often leads to compromising—although the fault lies with the other person, in the relationship, the one who is overly cautious and accommodating is actually you; even though the other person hurt you, you find yourself trying to please and cater to them.

All of these actions stem from subconscious helplessness, leading to giving up on the correct understanding—such approaches do not fundamentally solve the problem. Even if the marriage is preserved, such a marriage cannot provide genuine happiness and reliable support.

After experiencing betrayal in a relationship, a person’s heart will be burdened with many questions, with one common one being “Why did they betray me, betray the relationship?”

Almost everyone seeks answers to this question. Some may attribute it to issues within the marriage, while others may blame themselves for not being good enough, but these attributions are actually biased.

Perhaps the marriage does have issues, perhaps the person is indeed not good enough—but these do not justify the betrayal. The real reason behind the betrayal is the betrayer’s own issues, meaning the mistake lies with them, not you.

Therefore, whether it’s about forgiveness, reconciliation, or repair, there is a crucial premise: the other person must acknowledge their mistake and actively work to correct it. Without this premise, forgiveness, reconciliation, and repair cannot even be discussed.

However, in reality, very few of those who make mistakes can truly acknowledge their wrongdoing, be willing to correct it, take active responsibility for their betrayal. This is the dilemma faced by those who endure prolonged suffering after being betrayed.

Thus, their efforts often focus on trying to “educate” the other person, hoping they will reflect and awaken. While this choice is reasonable—if one can guide a lost soul back to the right path, it’s a virtuous act in itself.

But what if the person remains unrepentant and stubborn?

Many people feel completely helpless in such a situation.

How should one deal with this?

A simple but correct thought process is: the one who made the mistake is the other person; whether they correct it is also up to them. You can give them a chance, but you must also set boundaries and deadlines for yourself. The boundary is not allowing repeated mistakes; the deadline is giving yourself a timeframe because you are someone who needs to live and pursue happiness, not a bodhisattva who disregards worldly affairs.

Facing betrayal in a relationship, feeling physically and mentally drained, emotionally exhausted, and mentally shattered, is simply an initial form of “punishing oneself for the other’s mistakes.” A deeper manifestation is abandoning one’s own boundaries, repeatedly compromising, until losing oneself completely.

When a person can no longer be true to themselves due to betrayal in a relationship, that is the ultimate form of “punishment.” If one can’t live according to their inner self but becomes dependent on a relationship or another person, that is the most profound and thorough harm caused by relationship betrayal.

To redeem oneself, one can only rely on their own courage, determination, and effort.