What Makes Extramarital Affairs Harder Than Normal Relationships?
Unveiling the Truth: The Reality of Women in Extramarital Affairs
Women’s Extramarital Affairs, Are You Ready for It?
When writing about gender emotions, we naturally cannot avoid the topic of extramarital affairs. In the future, I will discuss extramarital affairs from different perspectives. Today, let’s talk about the differences between extramarital affairs and normal relationships, especially for women. Why do I advise women to be extra cautious when facing extramarital affairs?
1. The risks and costs of extramarital affairs for women are generally greater than those for men.
Regardless of culture or time period, men generally face less severe consequences for betraying their partners compared to women.
Psychologically and physiologically, explanations abound for men being more prone to infidelity, making many people think “it’s just a mistake all men make.” However, if a woman is caught being unfaithful, it’s not only challenging for her to be forgiven by her partner, but she also has to endure heavier public condemnation and even verbal abuse.
In a TED talk, American psychotherapist and author Esther Perel mentioned, “To this day, there are still nine countries where a woman can be killed for being unfaithful.”
2. There are intrinsic differences in emotional weight between men and women in romantic relationships.
In terms of physiology and psychology, men and women are inherently unequal in relationships. Women’s inherent role, among others, includes childbearing. Human infancy is lengthy compared to other species, requiring more energy and resources to raise offspring. Therefore, women instinctively seek long-term relationships to ensure their offspring have abundant resources. Hence, women invest more effort and value relationship stability more than men in romantic relationships.
Although extramarital affairs do not directly involve raising offspring, instincts lurking in our genes are not easily controlled by rational thoughts like “there’s no need to pursue long-term relationships.”
The term “affair” in English implies a short-lived event, almost accidental. It lacks the stable ground necessary to nurture a lasting emotional bond. In contrast, marriage entails responsibilities, morals, and legal constraints, making extramarital affairs less likely to last.
So, relatively speaking, extramarital affairs align more with the instinct of “spreading genes” in males. From a biological perspective, male instinct is to “spread seeds” to ensure the continuation of their genes, with the option to selectively invest in the subsequent burdens of reproduction and parenting.
For most men, marriage is more about responsibility and commitment. How many men are willing to turn a fleeting infatuation into another burden?
Therefore, the confusion and distress caused by extramarital affairs for women are much greater than those in normal relationships, and definitely more than for men.
3. Extramarital affairs lack the nurturing ground for stable emotions.
Everyone knows that the passionate phase in a relationship has its limits. People can live with their partners for decades because they build affection and gratitude through raising children, facing challenges together, and shared experiences, all of which originate from love.
Even if an extramarital affair is genuine love, it only marks the beginning without the subsequent nurturing ground for growth. Without this foundation, how can it thrive? Let’s consider the process of an extramarital affair.
Assuming you are truly in love, have mutual interests, and support each other while keeping it secret. Even with these ideal conditions, which many extramarital affairs lack, such as those pursued for ulterior motives, the relationship’s future is questionable.
Without shared daily life, responsibilities, and weathering storms together, the relationship relies mainly on sincere emotions. Any discomfort during interactions may lead to a loss of motivation to continue, without any other commitments to bind you.
How can a relationship survive if both parties cannot always be comfortable? Even a mother and child have disagreements. Compromises are necessary, but excessive concessions can upset the balance, and how long can it last?
Furthermore, the emotional progress of men and women usually differs. When a man is passionate, a woman may be reserved. By the time a woman becomes invested, the man may start feeling bored. When a woman changes from resisting to initiating, the man’s conquest desire diminishes. The woman feels neglected, starts to doubt, lose confidence, and trust in the man.
As external environments change, work fluctuates, or family tragedies occur, the relationship becomes even more fragile.
4. Extramarital affairs place high demands on women.
Men resent being controlled and dominated. The only way they willingly cooperate is if they genuinely love you or have something to gain from you, like sex, money, or power. However, these transactional relationships are not what women desire. Even if women seek physical intimacy, they still require a certain emotional foundation for a good experience.
Even if a man is willing to obey out of true love, demanding his compliance in the long term is almost impossible. He isn’t bound to you like he is to his wife, as that partnership is contractual and collaborative.
As the extramarital affair partner, you have no right to demand anything from the man since your relationship lacks a contract. The only approach is to entice the man to treat you well and fulfill your requests, and not everyone has this skill. It’s an art and a technique. Ask yourself, do you have it?
This is why extramarital affairs are more exhausting for women than normal relationships. You have to put in more effort to attract him and divert him from his family responsibilities.
Even if you manage to attract him, you can only make him happy, not dissatisfied. You have obligations but no rights. How much love, sacrifice, and tolerance must a woman possess to endure such an unequal relationship? A self-respecting woman won’t tolerate it for long.
There’s a fitting metaphor online: If a marriage is a house, you have to live with the flaws. But a lover is like a roadside store—replaceable if you’re dissatisfied. Does that sound pitiful?
Think about it—the demands of extramarital affairs on women are high! Women risk being deceived and facing greater consequences if discovered. As the relationship deepens, women appear more vulnerable. The man’s emotions fade, and the relationship resembles more of a past “friend with benefits.” Women bear the public’s judgment and moral burden, reluctant to endure loveless intimacy, especially those who pride themselves on self-respect.
Starting a passionate relationship is not difficult. What’s hard is maintaining it. What truly sustains a man is not looks, sex appeal, or coquettishness—it’s the genuine, kind, and beautiful qualities I’ve been talking about!
However, extramarital affairs are unlikely to evoke genuine, kind, and beautiful qualities in a person. People caught in extramarital affairs are more prone to suspicion, jealousy, and emotional turbulence than in normal relationships.
Without the admiration that makes people appreciate each other, what remains? Is it just sex for the sake of sex? Was that your original intention?
In conclusion, such a relationship lacks legal protection, familial blessings, and the privilege of publicly displaying affection. It invites moral condemnation, and if discovered, results in economic and emotional loss.
Enduring all this, the only hope is that the man truly loves you; otherwise, you will feel it’s not worth it. This love is burdened with excessive pressure it shouldn’t have.
The epitome of love is ease and comfort. It’s not impossible in extramarital affairs, but it’s hard for those unprepared!
However, because it’s possible to lose at any time, you become vigilant, and all your senses and acumen are engaged, striving to improve yourself and regain control and balance. If you insist on finding the benefits of extramarital affairs for women, perhaps this is one.
Given this analysis, women contemplating extramarital affairs, are you confident you can handle this toxic brew?
(Follow-up articles on extramarital affairs will be written, so stay tuned.)
