Three Stages of an Affair: If You Encounter the Third Stage, Get a Divorce
Xi Murong said, “Marriage isn’t just about two people facing each other. Marriage is about two people holding hands and facing the world together.”
When people get married, they usually understand this principle and strive to achieve it. Unfortunately, as time goes by, everything becomes routine, and this goal becomes blurry.
Some people start to regret their marriage. Some people start comparing their families. Some people regret that their love seems to have faded.
So, they start to focus on things outside their marriage and look at other people, hoping to find a new and exciting “true love.”
Romain Rolland said, “The only greatness of marriage lies in the unique love, the mutual faithfulness of two hearts.”
Once a couple lacks faithfulness, their marriage begins to crumble.
Of course, not all “affairs” end in divorce.
Generally, there are three stages to an affair. If you encounter the first two stages, there’s still room for recovery. If you encounter the third stage, get a divorce.
Stage 1
John had been married to his wife for five years. He was used to her casualness at home and had almost forgotten the radiant woman she used to be.
He knew his wife had become this way because of their home and their child. But for a while, he couldn’t suppress his desire to escape.
Especially after meeting a young girl, he felt a youthful energy and found this feeling fresh and appealing.
He tried to find excitement outside his marriage, but after an internal struggle, he decided to give up the novelty and focus on protecting his family.
Chen Daoming said, “Marriage can make you ‘lose your mind,’ but it depends on whether you act on it and whether you have self-control.”
This level of “affair” is considered very mild. Occasional “losing your mind” is forgivable. As long as you have good self-control and don’t cause any harm, the marriage can continue.
The problem is that some people allow these thoughts to run wild, leading to an uncontrollable situation.
Stage 2
I once heard a friend talk about a relative of his who went through this. His family was wealthy, so many young girls surrounded him. His wife had always been by his side, supporting him, from poverty to wealth, never leaving him.
He cherished his wife and their marriage. Although there were many temptations around him, he never felt tempted. This gave his wife peace of mind.
Later, he had an affair while drunk. It was only once, but he wanted to solve it privately. However, the other woman refused.
He later apologized to his wife, saying he knew he was wrong and promised it wouldn’t happen again. His wife helped him solve the situation and also filed for divorce. He refused, trying everything to make amends, and eventually, his wife forgave him.
In reality, not all “affairs” allow time for consideration and evaluation. Some “affairs” don’t even give you time to think. They happen impulsively, because you’re blinded by infatuation.
Wang Haiou said, “Physical betrayal can be forgiven, but long-term mental betrayal cannot be tolerated. Sometimes, you need to pretend to be oblivious, and sometimes, you need to act decisively. This is the great wisdom of marriage.”
As long as it’s not long-term mental betrayal, occasional physical betrayal can be forgiven depending on the situation. Sometimes, pretending to be oblivious can also save your marriage.
Stage 3
Lily had been married to her husband for over ten years. She always thought their marriage would continue happily and peacefully.
Until one day, she accidentally saw her husband shopping with another woman, which made her question their marriage.
She continued their marriage calmly, looking for evidence of her husband’s betrayal. Later, she discovered that her husband had been with that girl for over a year, and she had been kept in the dark.
She wanted to give her husband a chance to confess, but he refused to admit it. She was heartbroken and chose to get a divorce. Before she confronted him, he was still making excuses.
Qiong Yao said, “A failed marriage is a tragedy; ending a tragedy is the beginning of a comedy.”
Being constantly deceived and betrayed is hard to forgive. If someone doesn’t show remorse, even if you give them another chance, they might not cherish it. It’s better to choose to end this unhappy marriage than to suffer disappointment and heartbreak again.
In marriage, being betrayed by your partner is something no one wants to experience. If it happens, it’s natural to feel sad and heartbroken.
No matter what, we should follow Shakespeare’s advice: “A moderate grief can express deep feelings, but excessive sorrow proves a lack of wisdom.”
Even if you’ve been betrayed, you need to face reality, assess whether your marriage can continue, and whether the person beside you can still protect you from the storm and spend the rest of your life with you.
