This is the Mindset Girls Should Have When Pursuing Their Crush

“Love is a game”

This is what a friend of mine shared with our chat group about her successful experience. The group is for female students to share tips on dressing up, makeup, taking photos, flirting, and all kinds of issues before and during a relationship. Although we are of different ages, communication is seamless. Also, everyone has their own strengths and expertise—I don’t know much about clothes, makeup and such, haha.

This made me think—aptitude, learning ability, perseverance, courage and other excellent qualities really have nothing to do with age. It’s not that the older you are, the faster you learn; nor is it that the younger you are, the slower you learn. There are many factors affecting rapid growth, but I’ve noticed a pattern—the more outstanding a person is, the faster they grow. It’s like how the time spent opening the first door may be very long, but the time spent opening subsequent doors gets progressively shorter.

There is no harm without comparison. In the group, you’ll find 50kg girls who are still dieting, controlling their diet, persisting in working out. This may injure some people, who will then change—and that’s enough.

With her consent, I summarized her experiences shared in the group (with some key information omitted) into this article. I hope it helps anyone confused about pursuing or dating someone.

Since the content is a systematic overview without specific advice, please take away whatever knowledge is useful for you.

It started with a girl asking what to do when a guy she’s been flirting with for some time asks her to a hotel at night without confessing.

Then the female lead appears to answer doubts and shares many classic dating rules and insights. (Let’s call her Miss C for convenience).

Miss C said: Girls must think big. If you don’t start off on equal footing, the relationship will soon be over even if you do get together. Never give up just because he doesn’t respond at first. Take a step back and hold the mindset that as long as he’s alive, I still have a chance.

The biggest difference between men and women during courtship, I think, is that men are less likely to pine after someone. This is determined by the active mindset, precisely because women have a passive mindset, they tend to rely more on the man after some contact, gradually losing control of the relationship.

Suppose the crush has 100 energy. If there are 5 girls, each gets 20 energy on average. But in reality it’s definitely not evenly distributed. He will allocate energy according to each girl’s overall value. Maybe the top girl gets 60 energy, but it’s impossible to get full marks. He still has work. The difference between men and women is right here—just a 10 energy difference can translate into a world of difference in expressing feelings externally.

Most girls become shameless with no bottom line when pursuing guys. Usually the landmines in the relationship are planted at this time. Even if they do get together, the relationship is bound to be short-lived. This is the right answer verified by countless women.

Many girls from birth to their 20s have rarely suffered setbacks. Some always had pursuers at school. So when they pursue their crush, they cannot tolerate being ignored because he has many admirers too. Most people fail at this first hurdle—being easily upset. Perhaps less than 10% can pass the crush’s second test. Even if he ignores you at first, once together, won’t you have chances to get back at him?

The 90% of girls who crumble at the first hurdle fail because they lack foresight and focus on immediate gratification. So of course they cannot get the guy. You only see the happy side of the girl who gets the guy without seeing her efforts and capabilities behind the scenes.

Mindset is something you can control despite hardware, family origin and other unchangeable conditions.

There is too much uncontrollable in relationships. You can only control yourself from capsizing.

Many girls cannot control their abundant emotional energy. They feel they must message the guy when missing him. That’s fine, but the problem comes when they have an emotional outburst if he doesn’t reply or replies late.

Missing someone and messaging them without caring if they reply is pleasing yourself. It’s like giving alms to a beggar—you don’t expect the beggar to pay you back.

This is having equal footing.

Miss C also said when her mindset was smaller in the past, her boyfriend was unmoved. After constantly expanding her mindset, they got together and her boyfriend said he somehow fell for her while just playing around.

Another wrong mindset girls have is thinking that a guy interacting intimately without dating is being a jerk or scum.

Little do they know, intimacy is the first step towards dating.

Feelings must reach a certain degree through intimacy before naturally coming together.

But most girls think we must confirm the relationship before I feel assured to develop feelings with you.

Beware—the only possibility for this mindset to succeed is: love at first sight for both.

So you should know why you keep failing—both falling in love at first sight is just too unlikely.

With matched value, the most charming time for a girl is when

you don’t love him that much, he feels he can chase you, but it seems just out of reach. Once the guy feels you are desperately in love, of course he won’t commit. He can enjoy your affection without a relationship.

Finally, Miss C got together with her crush, and he was not scum at all, only limited by their mindsets.

Miss C said, love is a game.

But I think, love is the game of kings.