The Right Way to Love, Make Him Unable to Leave You!

Understanding Love Languages: Enhancing Relationships through Expression

In love, giving brings more satisfaction and happiness than receiving.

As stated in the book “The Art of Loving”:

“He should give what is vital in him to someone else… He gives not for the purpose of getting, but in giving, he inevitably awakens something vital in the other person. Therefore, his giving also includes the receiver becoming a giver, and both will be filled with joy because of the awakening of something vital in their hearts. In giving, something new is born, and both the giver and the receiver will be thankful for this new power.”

However, many people are distressed: “I am willing to give without expecting anything in return, but I don’t feel the joy of giving, and the other person doesn’t appreciate it. I have put in all my effort to love, to give, and to provide, but in the end, I got nothing. Should I not be so foolish in giving?”

Such “complainers” are not uncommon in life. Firstly, one should see if the recipient of their affection is the right person. Love, from a certain perspective, is a chemical reaction, and one cannot control whether someone feels attracted to them or not. So, if someone clearly shows no interest in you, unless you are extremely confident, it’s better not to willingly fall into unrequited love or the role of a backup. In the beginning, it’s just a vague liking and attraction, and one can definitely change course in time. If one indulges in one-sided fantasies for too long, they will sink deeper and deeper, and it will be difficult to extricate themselves from it in the end, which is truly self-inflicted.

If, in the right choice of person, both parties clearly have feelings but the effort put in does not bring the expected joy, then the problem definitely lies in the way of giving.

We all know we should love and give, but we are not born knowing how to love.

Often we see many wives who take care of their husbands in every possible way, taking care of everything without bothering their husbands. At home, such wives often play the roles of “mother” and “maid” more often. After toiling for half a lifetime, they suddenly find out that their husbands have fallen for someone else. Does the silent dedication of so many years have no value at all?

It’s definitely wrong for a man to betray his promises and marriage, but has the wife ever thought whether he really needs another mother to take care of him? In married life, what he needs and cherishes, is it a woman who can communicate with him, listen to him, and bring him joy in life?

For a man who values emotional bonding, a wife who acts like a mother cannot satisfy him. The more the wife does in terms of housework and care, the farther she is from meeting the man’s expectations, because she is too exhausted to feel his inner thoughts and pay attention to what brings joy.

As for a man who is more laid-back, if he marries a woman who constantly craves spiritual communication and is not very grounded, this love may find it hard to withstand the daily grind of life.

Whether it’s family love, romantic love, or friendship, what we should learn is to love in the way the other person needs, not in the way we want. If you love someone in the wrong way, the harder you try, the farther they will be pushed away.

So, in practical actions, how should we express our love and giving?

Marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman proposed five ways of expressing love in his book “The Five Love Languages”:

1. Words of Affirmation

Express affirmation, appreciation, and love to your partner through words. For example, saying “The food you cooked is delicious, thank you” or “Honey, you are amazing, you fixed it in no time, I have a good eye, huh?”

We Chinese people are most likely to overlook this point. We can do this for friends, but when it comes to our long-term companions and loved ones, we feel it’s unnecessary to be so polite and insincere. In fact, isn’t this our true inner thought? By expressing it without reservation, it can make us feel fulfilled and make the other person feel your love and gratitude, receive encouragement, and thus work harder. Isn’t that good?

2. Quality Time

People need companionship and deep feelings can only be maintained through interaction. The time spent together should be of high quality. Nowadays, from television, computers to mobile phones, screens of all sizes attract our attention. When the family is together, everyone is staring at their own screens, ignoring the people around them. How many couples can go a whole day without a genuine conversation about each other’s inner thoughts? Apart from discussing daily affairs, they live as if they are roommates sharing a house.

3. Gifts

This point is easy to understand and implement. But in this age of abundant materialism, selecting gifts has become increasingly difficult. Things that are needed are bought in regular days, and the desire for material things is not as strong as before. When choosing gifts, more thought is needed, and it cannot be achieved solely by spending money. Spending money with thought, on things that the other person truly likes and needs, even if not expensive, is enough to move them. Some handmade, personalized gifts are great creative ideas.

4. Acts of Service

Do thoughtful things for your partner. For example, seeing a man sweating while doing work, reaching out to help him wipe the sweat. If a woman is pregnant and her shoelaces are untied, squat down to tie them for her. These details, done without the other person asking and done proactively, are the best expressions of understanding and love between two people. Acts of service also include physical intimacy between the two, such as frequent kisses, hugs, and so on. This is also the most difficult thing for long-married couples to do. Many people who have been married for a long time don’t touch their partners for a long time, no longer walk hand in hand like they did when they were in love, and some have even entered into a sexless marriage. People have a need for intimacy. If they cannot find it at home, once there is temptation outside, it is easy to waver.

In addition to the above four aspects, in real life, truly loving someone also means wanting to provide a worry-free life for the other person. Life cannot do without material things, so providing security in money and material things for the other person is also an important expression of responsibility.

Mastering the correct way to express love allows us to love the people we love sincerely and wisely!