The Betrayal of Emotions, Making Past Encounters a Mistake
The betrayal of emotions is a thorough harm to a relationship, so it’s not just a careless mistake. Experiencing betrayal in a relationship doesn’t mean it can just go back to how it was initially.
Betrayal is actually a denial, not just a denial of the other person’s love, but a thorough one. For those who have experienced emotional betrayal, when they look back on the relationship, they’ll feel like even the initial encounter was a mistake.
If they hadn’t met that person, they wouldn’t have suffered the pain and hurt they’re experiencing now; if they hadn’t met that person, their life wouldn’t have been left with such a deep scar, aching and taking forever to heal.
In this world, it seems like there’s no eternal right or wrong, and the standard for measuring right and wrong is always based on the outcome—if you meet someone and are happy, it’s right; if you’re not happy, it’s wrong.
From the perspective of the betrayer, when they choose to betray, it’s often because they’ve met someone who makes them think they’ve found “happiness.” So, they believe the current encounter is the right one, and the previous encounter with you becomes a mistake. You often hear them say, “I met the right person at the wrong time.”
They not only deny your relationship at the moment of betrayal but also deny the past encounters. This is the eternal, unhealable wound and unresolvable knot for those who have experienced betrayal.
You don’t need to argue with the betrayer’s thinking; everyone has different values, and they believe who’s right or wrong is their own cognition and choice. You, who have experienced emotional betrayal, also need to have your own cognition and choice.
Many times, you experience betrayal not because you’re not good enough or didn’t manage your emotions and marriage well, but because you met someone who doesn’t know how to cherish—if you’re still unclear about this, a simple truth is that in a relationship, one person can be bad, but it’s better than thorough betrayal; one person can be bad at managing emotions, but at least they don’t intentionally destroy the relationship, causing it to fall apart.
This is cognition—when others choose to deny themselves through betrayal, you must not deny yourself; otherwise, it’s like they’re hurting you, and you’re adding insult to injury.
People often analyze the other person, analyzing the relationship—it’s hard to distinguish because people’s hearts are complex and changing. Even someone who once cherished you might one day trample you, crushing you into the dirt.
If you’re unfortunate enough to experience betrayal, try looking at it from a different angle—it’s just the other person showing you another side of themselves.
And you need to realize that when the other person reveals this side, you must see and accept it—many people’s mistake is that they choose to ignore it or numb themselves. They think it’s just an accident, or the other person is not in their right mind… But as grown-ups, you should know what you’re doing, and observe their actions, not their words. Someone who betrays you doesn’t have the right to say, “I still love you”; “I have my reasons”; “I just made a mistake…”
There’s no “I had my reasons” or “I just made a mistake”—otherwise, why would they betray instead of committing a crime? Because they know that if they commit a crime, the law won’t let them off; but if they betray, they might get away with it, or you might not be able to do anything about it, or they might not care about the consequences.
Betrayal is actually a way to deal with emotional and marital relationships, regardless of how good or bad the relationship is. The conclusion is that the other person is capable of choosing to betray, and that’s a crucial point—it’s like they have a “betrayal” nuclear bomb in their arsenal, ready to explode at any time.
So, the occurrence of betrayal, in all likelihood, has no direct connection to the quality of the marriage itself, because in reality, both extremely happy and extremely unhappy marriages have experienced betrayal; similarly, many people in extremely happy and extremely unhappy marriages haven’t betrayed—the problem lies not with the marriage but with the specific person in the marriage.
The occurrence of betrayal doesn’t prove that the marriage has a problem; it proves that the person you met has a problem.
So, in reality, it’s not the other person who should think that the initial encounter was a mistake, but you.
