The Art of Nurturing a Marriage: Signs and Selflessness
In this lifetime, there are only a few things that truly determine our happiness. Marriage is definitely one of them.
When you think back to when you got married, you probably thought it was all about finding happiness. You believed that marriage would bring you happiness. But later on, so many people found themselves facing endless pain and couldn’t break free from it. That’s when they realized how deeply a marriage can affect their entire life.
Facing a painful marriage isn’t something that can be solved just by getting a divorce. Regardless of how many people can’t overcome the obstacles of divorce, even if you go through the hardships and finally get divorced, this marriage will still leave too many aftereffects, just like how a person, even after recovering from serious injuries or illnesses, still bears some scars and marks.
Sometimes, you really can’t figure out if marriage is meant to bring you happiness or to cause you harm.
No matter what, the moment a person steps into a marriage, their entire life has already been determined.
You can’t help but envy those who have a happy marriage, but their happiness may not necessarily be the result of their skill in managing a marriage. I have always believed that marriage isn’t something you manage, but rather, it’s fate—a good fate doesn’t require much management and will ultimately lead to happiness, while a bad fate, no matter how hard you try, will just end up in ruins.
A marriage can be happy, of course, it requires effort. But if a marriage isn’t happy, it may not be because you didn’t put in enough effort. Because, in the end, marriage is the joint effort of two people, not a one-person show.
This is why among the few things that truly govern our lives, marriage is the most difficult—because, with other things, we can entirely adjust and resolve them through our own efforts.
If we are born poor, we can work hard and make something of ourselves; if our job isn’t good, we can work hard and switch careers. It’s okay to have a tough life and earn less, but with marriage, if it’s not happy, every day is just endless suffering and torment.
Marriage is the union of two strangers, and the best marriage isn’t something that’s developed through compromise, but rather something that’s inherently compatible. Encountering a marriage that is naturally compatible is rare and cannot be sought after. Therefore, most marriages that last until old age are sustained through compromise, and with compromise comes conflicts, worries, and pain.
So, in a marriage, mutual tolerance and learning to give in are important. A marriage that is domineering or unwilling to compromise is destined to be unhappy. Even if two people manage to stay together for their entire lives, the quality of the marriage will be low.
Having a happy marriage is really difficult, it requires both people to be kind-hearted and empathetic. It requires both to have high emotional intelligence and not too low of an IQ.
Marriage is a form of mutual growth. Through managing a marriage together, both individuals face and grow through challenges. It’s also a long-term test, and those who eventually part ways do so because at least one person couldn’t withstand the test and is ultimately eliminated. Marriage is also a form of cultivation.
Perhaps only those who have experienced a certain degree of suffering will ponder: What is marriage, really?
Then, those with deep insights and high enlightenment about marriage will understand: in reality, the essence of marriage isn’t to bring you happiness, but simply to help you grow.
This kind of growth begins with learning how to cooperate with others. If there’s anything in this world that’s difficult to cooperate with, it’s definitely marriage.
This growth also involves learning how to cherish. When heaven bestows upon you a good marital fate, there are truly not many who know how to cherish it. We’ve seen too many stories of deceit, harm, and betrayal in marriage, and ultimately, it’s all due to not knowing how to cherish. Of course, in the end, they don’t deserve genuine love and care.
Lastly, this growth is about shaping oneself. Marriage is a mirror. At first, you use it to reflect others, but in the end, you use it to reflect yourself. Especially in a painful marriage, you will discover your fatal weaknesses, and you will finally understand that the purpose of marriage is simply to observe yourself. Then, you have the opportunity to adjust and change yourself. This is growth. When you finally undergo a transformation, the form and outcome of the marriage no longer matter, and you are no longer fixated on the tangible.
This is life’s greatest “lesson.” What is a “lesson”? It’s a required course on your journey through life. If you haven’t learned it, you will be perpetually trapped there, like a pit where you keep stumbling. Of course, you can’t understand why such things always happen to you, why fate never lets you off the hook… In reality, this is the special lesson that fate has assigned to you. It keeps reminding you that you must learn it!
So, only when you truly complete this lesson, can you completely emerge from this pit where you repeatedly stumble, and you will never fall into it again.
Perhaps, this is the true meaning of marriage for us, and then, it’s not difficult to understand why marriage is one of the few things that truly govern our lives, because it can fundamentally change our destiny, regardless of whether the outcome is good or bad.
