She Cheats to Suppress Her Husband—Who Believe in Poisonous Romance Soup Are Deluding Themselves

One afternoon, a friend told me a very wise saying: “Things given for free are the most expensive; the most beautiful are often transient. Life requires perseverance, and one should never slack off.”

This saying can stand the test of time, and many people have realized its truth through painful experiences. Things that are easily obtained are often easily lost. This is especially true in relationships, whether romantic or platonic. If you do not make sufficient effort and rely solely on taking, it is impossible to sustain a long-lasting relationship.

Often, people say that life is 30% fate and 70% effort. In reality, for most people, fate plays no role. The path to success is like rowing against the current; if you do not advance, you will fall back. Ultimately, it takes unwavering effort to achieve a truly remarkable life.

Marriage is no exception. It requires long-term planning and stability. A temporary victory does not guarantee ultimate success. Love can bring romance, but it can also bring disillusionment. What brings two people together can also tear them apart.

The outcome of any relationship depends largely on the initial choices made. Some people know how to cherish and find the right partner during their prime. Others use their youth as capital, but once it is gone, they may be replaced by someone else. Still others are unambitious and gradually lose their happiness.

Although love is warm and romantic, over the course of a long marriage, it also teaches many people what ruthlessness is. If you ask what is wrong with a marriage, the first place to look is within yourself.

I. The Epiphany of a Divorced Woman

One afternoon, I saw a post online from a woman sharing her insights on marriage.

More than a year after her divorce, she gradually came to understand that she should end her current relationship, return to her ex-husband, and beg for his forgiveness. Fortunately, her ex-husband did not reject her outright but broke up with his new girlfriend. It was clear that he was also preparing to remarry.

Let’s call this woman Daisy.

She said that only after her divorce did she understand the wisdom of marriage, but by then it was too late. Now, she wanted to catch up and hoped that they could once again be soulmates like they were before. Whether or not she truly understood is irrelevant; at least she learned a lesson from life and realized her past shortcomings.

One thing she said was very insightful: “I have come to realize that no man can tolerate his wife getting too close to another man.”

This is a valid point, and most married women have experienced their husbands’ jealousy. By the same token, no woman can tolerate her husband getting too close to another woman.

Marriage is fair and requires effort from both partners.

In a marriage, it does not necessarily mean that there is something wrong with the relationship if one partner is jealous. From another perspective, it may be because they care too much about each other. However, if one partner consistently ignores the other, over time, this “jealousy” will turn into suspicion. Once there is a crack in the relationship, it will be very difficult to repair.

Daisy is 34 years old and has been divorced for one year and one month. Her marriage lasted for nine years and ended due to suspicion between her and her husband.

Daisy said: “I married him shortly after graduating, and we had been in love for many years. For him, I ignored my parents’ objections and married him even without a dowry. He did not disappoint me; I married the right person. We worked hard together and gradually improved our lives. However, I did not keep up with the times. After our living conditions improved, I became lazy and playful, which annoyed him.”

Seven years into her marriage, Daisy became a woman who expected her husband to serve her hand and foot. Because she loved to put on makeup and dress up, she was constantly complaining that her husband did not spend enough time with her, and there was a growing gap between them.

II. Love Should Also Keep Up with the Times

Other marriages suffer from the seven-year itch; Daisy, who had been married for seven years that year, also sensed minor problems between her and her husband. Her husband was always busy with work, and she was tired of it. At home, she would occasionally quarrel with her mother-in-law. When her husband came back, she would complain that he did not care for her and that all he cared about was making her watch the kids.

Daisy said: “At that time, I jumped to conclusions and felt that the seven-year itch was upon us and that the marriage was in trouble. I scared myself into thinking that my husband was not good to me.

Whenever he got busy, it would go on and on, and I was worried that he did not love me anymore. I read a lot of articles about marriage, all of which said that women should take care of themselves. I remember dating expert saying that women cannot live only for their husbands. I thought that made a lot of sense, so I dressed up every day, forgetting the original purpose of life.”

Daisy’s experience is similar to that of many women who have been poisoned by dating advice. She believed what the dating experts said, learned how to demand more and improve herself, but forgot the most fundamental element: giving.

How can a marriage be successful if all one does is demand and never give?

People say that poisonous dating advice is harmful, and this is why. Poisonous dating advice makes people forget their own priorities, which in turn damages their otherwise happy marriages and families.

In the eighth year of her marriage, Daisy had an argument with her husband. She cried and found a dating expert online, reportedly paying $100. She felt it was worth the money, as the expert gave her a lot of tips and helped her regain her confidence.

The expert analyzed the situation for her: “Your husband is irresponsible. He only cares about his career and has forgotten you and your family. He is not a good husband. Women cannot fool themselves. You should enhance your own charm. Don’t let this continue. You need to suppress him and make him see your worth again.”

The expert did not even understand the root of the problem, but Daisy felt that what she said made a lot of sense. She “argued logically” with her husband, determined to suppress his “arrogance.”

Daisy said: “At that time, my husband also had a grudge against me. He said that I had changed and that I was looking for trouble all day long. In fact, I was just worried; I was afraid that he would not want me in the future. I didn’t feel secure! I felt so wronged and just wanted to fight with him.”

In order to pressure him, Daisy should have regained her confidence, and nothing should have made her give in again.

Truly good couples know how to keep their love and marriage up with the times. But irrational people tend to hold them back. Daisy did not keep up with the times but instead used her outdated, dating-oriented views to interact with her husband.

III. Jealousy Turns into Conflict

Eight and a half years into their marriage, Daisy met a man who admired her beauty. The man was married, but he was very smooth-talking and earned Daisy’s trust. They chatted online every day, and whenever her husband was not home, they poured their hearts out to each other. One day, the man said he wanted to meet in person to get to know each other better.

Daisy was overjoyed and spent another $100 to find a dating expert to help her analyze the situation. She asked the expert what the man meant.

Daisy was simply deluding herself in this situation. She was merely looking for a “theory” to support her decision to go out and meet him.

Unexpectedly, the expert was even more clueless. The expert actually said, “You can string him along and use him to put pressure on your husband so that he will pay attention to you.” Daisy thought the expert was brilliant and decided to follow the expert’s advice.

Because Daisy chatted online every day, her husband’s jealousy flared up. But Daisy did not care at all and, following the expert’s advice, deliberately provoked her husband. The couple quarreled for a month, and in the end, Daisy made an unforgivable mistake.

Daisy said: “That expert ruined me. She said I could meet him, but not to drink and to control my emotions. But it wasn’t that simple when I went there; it happened right away. I was terrified when I came back, afraid that my husband would find out. Whenever he looked at me, I felt guilty and annoyed by his gaze. I wanted to quarrel with him.”

The couple continued to quarrel, and soon their marriage came to an end. The main reason for this was Daisy’s lack of wisdom. She thought she could manipulate the situation, and that the expert’s advice would give her the upper hand. She forgot her own identity as a married woman and stubbornly opposed her husband with her outdated, dating-oriented views, and in the end, she made a fool of herself.

Daisy recounted that one night the man sent her some flirtatious messages and attached an indecent photo, which her husband saw. Her husband could no longer tolerate it; he finally had the evidence and filed for divorce.

Daisy said: “It’s all my fault for being careless. It’s all my fault for listening to the dating expert. It’s all my fault for not paying attention to my husband’s every move. Only when he filed for divorce did I realize that he was also chatting with a woman. He said that I was the one who wronged him first, that he had wanted to end it long ago, and that he had had enough.

Daisy, of course, did not want a divorce. She got on her knees and begged for forgiveness, but her husband was determined to divorce her. Her husband gave her a condition: If you don’t divorce me, I will show these photos to your parents. Let’s get a peaceful divorce. You wronged me first. I have suspected you for a year and a half now. I’ve been jealous for a year and a half. Since you don’t care about me, I can only find someone new.

IV. Easily Obtained, Easily Lost

A few days before the divorce, Daisy realized that her good husband had been pushed to his limit by her. She knew she was wrong, but it was too late.

The couple divorced peacefully.

After the divorce, Daisy went to find the man, hoping that he would keep his promise, but he did not accept her.

As for Daisy’s ex-husband, although he did find a younger woman, it was essentially self-deception to say that he had any feelings for her. There was a seven-year age difference between them, and she was a woman he had taken from someone else. What kind of love could there be? The only time he felt anything was when he spent money on her. If he did not do everything she wanted, she would threaten to break up with him.

Less than six months after the divorce, Daisy’s ex-husband gradually calmed down. He realized that although this woman was beautiful, she was not sincere with him. If he were to marry her in the future, she would not be as good as Daisy.

Meanwhile, Daisy had found an unmarried man. After dating for a while, Daisy felt very conflicted. What good was his temper if he was too spineless? He lived in a mortgaged house and did not even have a car. When they went to a restaurant together, other men whistled at her, and he did not dare to say anything. If it were her ex-husband, he would have taken action long ago.

Daisy said: “My ex-husband is not doing well, and I am doing even worse. That woman is holding him back and always asking for gifts. She is not willing to take the kids to and from school. He regrets it. And it’s the same for me; my life is not as good as before, and I always miss the kids. He (her boyfriend) wants to marry me, and although he is very sincere, I feel wronged marrying him. He is even more useless!”

Eight months after the divorce, Daisy and her ex-husband met again. Daisy mustered up the courage to spend a day with him, but her ex-husband did not agree. He also said that he was getting married soon and that they should try to keep in touch less in the future.

Daisy recalled: “I don’t know if he was testing me, but I felt that I had to break up with my boyfriend as soon as possible and save my original family. I chatted with him every day, asking him about the children’s situation. We gradually found that we still loved each other, to be honest, even more than when we first fell in love. Every time I finished chatting with him, I would burst into tears.”

A month ago, Daisy finally got her wish and spent a night at her ex-husband’s house. That night, she struck while the iron was hot and said that she wanted to cherish their future together and asked him to remarry her. Her ex-husband smiled but did not agree or refuse. From that day on, Daisy stopped seeing her boyfriend and broke up with him, dedicating herself to cultivating her relationship with her ex-husband.

Daisy said: “The new relationship I had after my divorce from my ex-husband was too easily obtained, so it was even easier to lose. Only we have true feelings for each other. We have been through a long-distance relationship and nine years of testing, so I will work hard to remarry him.

V. Poisonous Dating Advice Harms Families

From the time the couple quarreled to the point of no return to the divorce and then to the current rapprochement, Daisy said that she finally understood the wisdom of marriage.

She asked me: “Do you think I can remarry? What can I do to make it happen faster?”

In fact, Daisy can remarry. However, after remarriage, she must adjust her mindset. The most innocent love is gone; even if they mend their relationship, they will still be able to live together. But their relationship will be much more fragile than before, and they must control their emotions and not bring up the past. Haste makes waste; it is better to take things slowly and get to know each other better.

In the past two years, I have met many people who have divorced because of “poisonous dating advice,” and most of them are women.

After many women get divorced, they will often talk about the past and say: “A dating expert said something like this, which led me to make a mistake…”

This is a problem of “mentality” and is a form of self-deception.

People who believe in poisonous dating advice are sometimes indecisive and sometimes too self-centered. They ignore the fundamental problems in their marriage; a couple is like a scale that should be balanced. When one partner is not doing well, the other partner will naturally suffer as well. If one always tries to suppress the other, he or she will eventually fall to the bottom! When the scale is no longer balanced, the marriage loses its meaning.

A couple has been together for many years; it is already difficult to manage a relationship with such a deep understanding of each other. How can you expect to quickly find a true love outside of that relationship?

Dating advice can be listened to for entertainment, but marriage requires a down-to-earth approach and self-determination.

All endeavors require consistent effort, and marriage is no exception. Effort is not holding back; a love that goes in the wrong direction harms the future.

Married people should be more rational in dealing with relationship problems; the easier it is to obtain something, the cheaper it is. Do not be too confident in your luck without the test of a long-term relationship.

Relationships require effort, and marriage requires loyalty; without these two foundations, any talk of happiness is a lie. No matter how good the dating advice is, it can only deceive oneself.