“Mom, Let Me Decide My Own Marriage” “You’re My Son, You Have to Listen to Me”
In the past, marriages were usually arranged by elders. They found families of similar social status through matchmakers and often decided on the marriage without considering the opinions of the couple.
Back then, this was accepted. Marriage was like a gamble; you lived the life you got.
Nowadays, love and marriage are about freedom. People choose their own partners, and only when they are happy with each other can they have a good life. However, some parents still make decisions for their children, hoping they will prioritize their opinions.
John was 28 and still single. It wasn’t that he hadn’t dated, but his mother always found reasons to break them up. She believed only she could find him a good wife.
John had rebelled, but it was useless. His father passed away when he was young, and his mother had worked hard to raise him. He didn’t want to upset her too much; after all, she was his only family.
Finally, when John was almost 29, his mother found him a girl named Lily, who seemed perfect on paper.
Lily was an only child, beautiful, and a civil servant. Her father was a high-ranking official, and her mother was a businesswoman.
If they got married, John wouldn’t even need to buy a house. Lily’s family had several vacant apartments. John’s family only needed to provide appliances and a $10,000 betrothal gift.
John’s mother kept telling him that he wouldn’t find a better opportunity, urging him to cherish it.
Although John wasn’t interested in Lily and even disliked her arrogant demeanor, his mother kept pushing them together, saying it would also help John’s career.
Under his mother’s constant persuasion, John married Lily after only three months of knowing her. However, within a month of marriage, he realized that it was nothing like he had imagined.
Lily was spoiled and domineering. If John said something wrong, she would argue with him fiercely, even pointing at his nose and telling him to get out, saying it was her house.
It’s normal to have arguments during the initial stage of marriage, but if both parties want the marriage to work, they should minimize conflicts.
But Lily wouldn’t listen to reason. She only cared about her feelings. She was nice to John when she was happy but became unbearable when she was angry. During arguments, she either told John to leave or went to nightclubs herself, sometimes not even coming home at night.
When John couldn’t take it anymore, his mother persuaded him to be patient, saying that girls from wealthy families tend to have a temper. She reminded him that Lily was an only child and that they would inherit everything from her family.
John felt trapped in this marriage. His mother pressured him not to divorce, saying things would get better. However, things didn’t improve, and John was diagnosed with depression.
Perhaps realizing she only had one son, John’s mother panicked after his diagnosis and finally agreed to the divorce. Of course, the process wasn’t easy, but John was finally free.
For a long time, he was afraid of marriage. Two years later, a quiet girl entered his life. She was ordinary and came from an average family, far from meeting his mother’s standards.
This time, John stood his ground and fought for his happiness. He told his mother, “Mom, let me decide my own marriage.” Perhaps seeing his determination, his mother was taken aback and had to agree.
They bought a small apartment and had a simple wedding. Although their material life was far from his previous marriage, they were in love and lived a content life.
Although John’s mother occasionally said he should have married someone wealthier, she understood that her son was an adult now and she couldn’t control everything.
As the saying goes, “Parents love their children, they plan for their future.” This means that if parents truly love their children, they should consider their long-term well-being. Parents love their children dearly and want to give them the best of everything. When children suffer, parents would rather suffer in their place.
This feeling is understandable, but everyone has their own path in life, and no one else can walk it for them.
When children are young, parents are their guides. But as they grow older, parents should let go and let them spread their wings and choose their own paths.
Only then can children grow into responsible and independent adults, capable of shouldering their own obligations.
If parents do everything for their children, they will only raise them to be incompetent. Parents shouldn’t think that their children are being rebellious when they have their own opinions. Instead, they should be happy that their children can think for themselves.
It’s not that John’s mother didn’t love him. She just pinned all her hopes on him, wanting him to live the life she envisioned.
However, things don’t always go according to plan, especially when it comes to human behavior and thoughts. Marriage is a big deal, and who you marry can lead to very different outcomes.
Material wealth doesn’t guarantee spiritual compatibility. The most important thing in choosing a life partner is spiritual connection.
It’s incredibly painful for two completely different people to live together. Forcing them together will only lead to tragedy.
We should live within our means and respect our children’s opinions when it comes to marriage.
Limited by her own experiences and hardships when she was young, John’s mother had good intentions when she tried to control his marriage. However, what she wanted for him wasn’t necessarily what he wanted.
She wanted him to achieve success without struggle, but it backfired.
Fortunately, when John firmly expressed his desire to make his own decisions, his mother chose to back down. Otherwise, the tragedy would have continued.
Everyone makes mistakes, but if we can recognize them and change our ways, we can still find happiness.
The second half of John’s mother’s life has begun. Her son has his own life now, and she doesn’t need to constantly interfere. She can find her own hobbies and even consider her own emotional needs.
If she keeps making her son the center of her life, there will be more conflicts. Instead of waiting for things to fall apart, it’s better to plan for her own future.
By gracefully stepping back from her son’s marriage and maintaining a healthy distance, their family bond can remain strong, and their lives can be harmonious.
Parents should focus on their children’s long-term well-being, not just their immediate gains and losses. That is true love.
