Middle-Aged Marriage: Reluctant Divorce, Separate Bedrooms as the Norm, Marriage in Name Only
In the office, after being married for over a decade, when everyone anxiously waited to leave work, George would calmly pour a glass of water and sit back at his desk.
When asked why he didn’t leave, he would smile and say, “We’re an old married couple, no need to rush.” He would then browse the web or watch a show before leaving.
George’s demeanor reminded people of many middle-aged couples who, after being together for so long, entered a calm phase where the spark was long gone. They appeared as a family from the outside but lacked intimacy.
As the comedian Siwen once said, they turned their marriage into a sibling relationship. However, she and Chris couldn’t go on.
Unlike celebrities, most ordinary couples choose to live with it, sleeping in separate rooms to maintain the facade of a marriage, as divorce is not the best option.
Why do people who entered marriage with beautiful dreams end up feeling like strangers to each other over time?
Qian Zhongshu wrote in “Fortress Besieged”: “People inside the fortress want to go out, while those outside want to come in.”
Before marriage, couples feel they can conquer any difficulty with love. But once married, they realize the vast difference between idealism and reality.
In the mundane routine, many forget their initial vows. Tolerance and understanding give way to apathy and boredom.
By middle age, couples often drift apart, conversations revolving around children. This phase easily leads to marital crises.
Especially when couples start sleeping in separate beds, the emotional connection weakens, and they drift apart.
When George in the office talks about marriage and family, he often mentions how he thought he wanted a specific type of woman when he was young. But after a few years of marriage, he realized it didn’t matter who he married.
His words sound bleak, but observing many middle-aged couples, most end up in a similar situation.
Some couples live together like strangers, maintaining the relationship for the sake of children and due to the high cost of divorce.
In real life, there are many couples like this.
Some couples resort to living separately due to accumulated unresolved conflicts, leading to a silent war.
The longer the cold war lasts, the more it consumes the bond, eventually resulting in a marriage in name only.
Why do they stay together? Some wait until their children are adults, while others don’t plan to start over in a new relationship and prefer to endure the current situation.
At this age, dealing with the consequences of divorce or the challenges of remarriage is not easy for the average person.
In some families, infidelity leads to one partner’s betrayal, and the other refuses to forgive or divorce, choosing to live separately. The love is gone, and they become strangers to each other.
This kind of marriage, maintained to avoid disrupting the children’s lives, brings more pain than happiness to the couple.
Living under the same roof, what was once love and understanding turns to resentment and silence, with conversations centered around the children.
Why do once-loving couples drift apart from their initial intentions? “The Psychology of Marriage” analyzes the truth behind reluctant divorces, separate bedrooms, and marriages in name only.
Aesthetic Fatigue
Even the most beautiful scenery can become dull over time. Familiarity breeds contempt, and constant exposure diminishes the allure.
Men, in particular, tire of what they see every day and are drawn to what is out of reach. Intimacy fades as weaknesses are exposed, and initial attraction turns into indifference.
Daily trivialities can lead to unresolved conflicts, which, when left unaddressed, can escalate and lead to a difficult end.
Divergent Habits
Xiaowen once revealed that living separately from Chris was the best way to avoid interference due to their work. But their incompatible habits drove them apart.
If ordinary couples cannot tolerate each other’s habits, separate beds may initially seem considerate but can lead to emotional distance over time.
At any age, everyone has emotional needs, and sleeping separately can breed disappointment and resentment.
Accumulated grievances can turn a marriage into an empty shell.
The Loneliness of Being Together
Many couples end up feeling like strangers. What was once a loving relationship eventually succumbs to time.
Intimacy fades, and what used to feel too distant now feels suffocating. Love is gone, and life lacks joy and warmth. They coexist as polite roommates, reluctant to take that final step, preserving a fragile connection.
Such a life is exhausting to even think about.
There’s no need for couples to reach this point. Sometimes, stepping back can open up new possibilities and prevent awkward situations.
If letting go of attachments is impossible, then parting ways might be the best solution.
