How to Make Her Like You More While Chatting?

Recently, a friend asked me a long-standing question about chatting with women. He said, “How should I chat with women so that they’ll like me more?”

I told him, “You can’t expect chatting to make a woman like you more. Although some guys can achieve that, it’s about one or two out of ten.”

Many guys have this kind of thinking:

As long as I chat well with women and make them happy, they will like me.

Similar thoughts include:

I’m not attractive to women because I’m not good at speaking. Once I can talk, I can make them like me. So, I need to find many topics to chat with women, so I can talk to them more and they’ll be more likely to like me.

Women like confident and witty men, so I can accumulate lots of jokes and tell them to women. This way, they’ll laugh, and they’ll like me.

In essence, these thoughts all have one thing in common:

I can make a woman like me through chatting.

But the reality is not like this. Sometimes the conclusions we reach are only what we simply summarize, and not necessarily the truth. For example, you see that handsome and rich men are popular with girls, so you think only the tall, rich, and handsome can attract women.

But you don’t know that what really attracts girls is confidence. So, you work hard to make money, thinking that once you’re successful, you’ll be able to attract the girls you like. When you confess to a girl, she still doesn’t like you. As the saying goes, when the woman you like doesn’t like you, you’ll feel like life has no meaning and you’ll think all women are playing hard to get.

You think those men are not good people, they just want to play around. You’re the one who truly likes them, and without you, no one else can treat them that way.

But you’ll never know the sweet nothings they whisper in a woman’s ear, so she won’t really feel the way you think.

Similarly, young and inexperienced girls, after experiencing a breakup, may curse the man as a scumbag and think all men are trash. Frankly, this kind of mindset is not good and doesn’t help you at all.

Many times, men blame their problems too simplistically. For example, you might think women like men who can talk, and since they don’t like you, you think you need to learn to chat with them. You believe that if you chat well, all your problems will be solved, and women will be attracted to your charm more and more.

But that’s not how it works. You think your chatting is the problem, that you don’t know how to communicate with women, and that you speak too directly. This is just your own opinion, and you just realize that you’re probably introverted and inexperienced and don’t understand women’s thoughts. So, you need to find ways to change your current state.

But what I want to emphasize is that you’re not doing this to make women like you or to understand women’s thoughts so you can easily start a romance with them. Many men do understand women’s thoughts, but they end up becoming the women’s “male BFFs”—the backup plans.

Chatting is just chatting. Chatting won’t make a woman like you more. Truly attractive men won’t just focus on chatting, trying to win a woman’s favor with a series of amazing phrases.

More often, men shouldn’t be thinking about how to make a woman like them. Instead, if you like a woman, you don’t necessarily have to make her your other half. You need to focus on your own growth, experiencing more, and advancing your career to enrich your life. Only then can you say that your world is fascinating, and then welcome women into it.

I also really like the saying: “Life doesn’t get better because you’re in a relationship, but while striving for a better life, you might as well get into a relationship. It’s easy and has no pressure, but a lot of people don’t understand that they think their unhappy life is due to a lack of a partner. But when they actually have a partner, they find that their life is still unhappy, and that’s not good.”