How to Make a Man Mentally Dependent on You

What is mental dependence? It means he will think of you for everything. You will share joy and sorrow together. Many women, in order to keep a man, try to please him in every way. They make themselves a “giver” to make him dependent on them. However, even if this giving approach succeeds, what it brings to the partner is only a “habitual dependence.” Among all dependent relationships, mental dependence is the real secret to keeping him: making him uncontrollably dependent on you mentally, attracted by you. How to do it? If you want to “mentally control” someone, you need to give him enough mental stimulation. It involves three steps:

1. Create a sense of uniqueness

There is a saying: “If you want someone to never forget you, either you are very good or very bad.” The underlying truth is simple: If you want someone to always remember you, you need to distance yourself from the “average.” Here’s a recommendation: Increase your sense of dignity. Some women think that always giving in is a sign that the other person loves you. So every holiday they must receive gifts, when upset they must be coaxed, and threaten breakups now and then… In fact, men are not fools either. The reason they are willing to please is not because they really think you are right or convinced by you, but simply feel that “they should not argue with women” or “less trouble.” But after a while men will be tired. At this time, you should make him feel: “How can you be so special? How are you different from other girls?” For example, you can barely carry more bags, take the initiative to reconcile rationally after a fight, rarely take advantage of your position as the weaker party, and so on. This is the first step: deprive him of the chance to find a second you in this world.

2. Give him mental bait intermittently

In an experiment, researchers put three kittens in three specially designed cages, each with a switch to dispense food. For the first kitten, food was dispensed every time it touched the switch; for the second kitten, food was randomly dispensed; for the third kitten, no food was ever dispensed. After a few times, the first kitten would only touch the switch when hungry; the second kitten kept touching the switch; the third kitten simply gave up and never touched the switch again. Get it? What drives one crazy is not the predictable “rules,” but the random “gambling.” Applied to relationships, it is easy to understand: Don’t let him figure out the patterns about you, especially during your interactions. These patterns can be, for example: you always accept his invitations, you always beg when he threatens to break up, you always politely decline his gifts, and so on. Once or twice is fine, but after some time, he will stop asking for your opinion. He has already figured out your patterns. What follows is boredom. He will find you boring, your relationship boring, and want to look for new excitement. So, step two: Don’t let him have his way easily. Learn to reward him randomly and get him hooked like gambling.

3. Give him enough: loss aversion, sunk cost, and self-perception

Being too agreeable can make you seem boring. Appropriate asking is a way to increase your status in his mind. Just like you will always resent more for the relationship and person you invested the most in.

Loss aversion

Give him appropriate sense of crisis so he does not take you for granted and fears losing you. For example, instead of revolving around him with him at the center of your life, you should have your own life and your own views and rhythm. Learn to be independent.

Sunk cost

What does this mean? People are reluctant to admit their own losses, using it to justify continuing down the path. A classic phenomenon: The more badly you lose in a game, the more you want to continue playing to win it back. In relationships, it can be understood as: The more you have invested in someone, the more reluctant you are to leave him. Even if he has wronged you, or the relationship is visibly falling apart, you still can’t accept the reality of breaking up. Thus forming a mental dependence on him. So you should make him invest more in you.

Self-perception

When you are deeply invested in a relationship, your subconscious will automatically come up with explanations—or excuses—for your behavior. If someone invests in you, his subconscious self-explanation is: “The reason I treat her so well is because she deserves it.” This explanation then becomes a self-suggestion, further motivating his behavior. Likewise, if you always politely decline everything he offers, after a while, he will also explain to himself: “I have not invested anything in her because she does not deserve my investment.”

So the secret to making a man mentally dependent on you is not blind devotion or silly kindness so he fears having to do everything himself without you. What you need to do is give him proper mental stimulation in daily life, so he can see your charm and fall into it repeatedly. Gradually he will form a mental dependence on you, and you become the irreplaceable one.