How to Judge Whether a Girl Wants to Chat with You?

Have you ever experienced such an awkward chat?

Me: Merry Christmas, girl, any plans?
Her: None.
Me: What do you usually like to do?
Her: Sorry, I’m very busy.

…And that was the end. Didn’t she just say she had no plans? Why is she busy? Is chatting really this difficult?

Awkward, isn’t it, guys. A woman’s heart is like the bottom of the sea, leaving you wondering: When will she enjoy chatting with me? Let’s talk about when girls want to chat and when they want to be quiet!

She wants to chat with you:

1. Prolonged eye contact. Research shows that eye contact has great power, creating intimacy and stirring feelings of love and passion—this is why deliberate eye contact is used as an invitation. If you want to know if she wants to continue chatting with you, look into her eyes. If she also occasionally makes eye contact with you, or her eyes wander between her surroundings and you, and she’s smiling, it means she’s very interested in your conversation.

Because of gender differences, women often find themselves in a passive state in relationships. Typically, when girls are facing someone they are interested in, they may feel a bit flustered, even at a loss. They tend to be approached rather than to be the ones to approach. So sometimes, when it seems like they are rejecting others, they are actually waiting to be approached. And they won’t completely ignore you because they will occasionally glance at you.

2. Subtle movements. Regardless of gender, when in the presence of someone they are interested in, people will unconsciously make subtle adjustments to their body language. The most common female gesture is the “fan” gesture, occasionally fiddling with their hair and clothes: twirling a lock of hair around their finger, or repeatedly brushing a strand of hair across their cheek, or rubbing their wrist, or pinching their neck. If she is interested in you, her sitting posture will also lean in your direction.

3. She will create opportunities to continue the conversation. If a girl really wants to chat with you, she will constantly transition from old topics to new ones, and actively seek common interests between you two. If possible, she will even invite you. At the same time, this will reduce the distance between you, and this joy will be mutual.

Is she really busy when she doesn’t want to chat with you, or is she pretending to be busy?

1. If you are using a messaging app to chat, unless it’s by video, you can only judge based on the content of her replies.

• A situation that is both awkward and uncertain about whether the other person wants to chat with you: there is a long gap between your reply and hers, and you don’t know whether she is genuinely busy or just doesn’t want to talk to you. Sometimes it might be because she’s chatting with many people at once, and the hundreds or thousands of messages make it hard for her to catch up, and your reply gets overlooked. At this point, you can ask her if she’s very busy. If her reply is brief: yes, I’m very busy. Without any further explanation, then she wants to keep you at arm’s length.

• There is a situation where the girl has an obsession with replying, but it doesn’t mean she wants to chat with you. Conversely, it’s likely that you are incessantly messaging her, and out of her compulsion, she replies politely. Perhaps you can tentatively bring up a few topics, if one doesn’t work, then two or three, to see if you can chat pleasantly. If her reply is just a brief sentence, a few words… then…

• The worst-case scenario is that you just approached her, and she goes offline. Although it’s rare for people to use QQ, Skype, and other visible online platforms, sometimes even if the other person is online, she might not necessarily want to chat. She might really be busy and unable to reply, or she might have seen your message and chose to ignore it.

2. When having face-to-face conversations, you ask a question, she responds, and she’s very economical with her words. She doesn’t have much to say to you, just simple answers like “yeah,” “okay,” “right.” Or, when you try to start a chat, you say “It’s so hot today,” and she replies “yeah, very hot.”… Undoubtedly, these short responses end the conversation, and it’s not enjoyable chatting this way.

A somewhat aloof girl might simply ignore what you say—she listens but doesn’t respond. Or she may just nod occasionally. A more assertive girl would directly express her attitude: “Sorry, you’re not my type.”… Feeling the sting? Young man, it’s important to read the signs, you know!

3. If a girl doesn’t want to chat with you, her eyes and actions will seem impatient.

In terms of eye contact, she suddenly avoids looking into your eyes and instead looks at the floor, around her, her watch, checks her phone, or starts daydreaming…

In terms of actions, she will stand or sit stiffly, not moving, listlessly listening to you; or she will stay rigid and tense, or shrug her shoulders; or cross her arms (let’s see how you deal with that); or touch her neck, fiddle with her collar, or fidget; or seem very restless, doodling on paper; or she will turn away from you, not look at you anymore, or slowly distance herself from you; or she will start yawning, because your topics are not interesting to her.

4. Listen to her tone of speech. If she seems very tired and powerless, speaks lazily, and speaks slowly, looking uninterested, then it’s very likely she’s no longer interested in the conversation. Or, your words upset her, and she’s trying to suppress her anger, forcing herself to smile; if a chatty girl suddenly doesn’t want to chat with you, she will question and refute everything you say, until you feel it’s meaningless.

In summary, when she wants to chat with you, she will make time for you even if she’s busy. If she has time but doesn’t want to chat with you, she will find reasons to reject you if she’s not interested in you.

So, why doesn’t the girl want to chat with you? This question has no standard answer—women’s thoughts are hard to understand. Sometimes they are influenced by emotions, sometimes by values, and sometimes they follow their instincts… Therefore, they may show different behaviors at different times, chat when they want to, and not chat when they don’t want to. That’s just how they are. So, girls need to be accommodated. If what you say makes her uncomfortable, it’s likely that your statement marks the end of the conversation. On the other hand, although women’s thoughts are inscrutable, they always have a reason for not responding to you, and that reason needs to be found within yourself:

• Did you say something that resembles “straight male cancer,” such as “You’re so rich, you must be really lucky” “At your age, just having someone is good enough”?…
   
• Are you too dominant, and you come across as a know-it-all, not letting the girl get a word in edgewise?
   
• Or, in an attempt to liven up the conversation, do you miss the mark, coming across as too glib or even talking nonsense? This kind of behavior is not appealing to girls.
   
• It could also be that you’re a guy with too many female friends, and the girls reject you because they don’t want to be in contact with you.
   
• Do you have food stuck in your teeth? Even if you’re not good-looking, please maintain a clean and presentable image, okay?

In general, it’s not difficult to judge whether a girl wants to chat with you. Sometimes, techniques may seem ineffective, but what really matters is how you feel inside!