Hidden Breakdown: A Badge of Honor
Have you noticed that the nights when you go home alone after getting drunk are often the most vulnerable?
In a flash, the laughter and chatter that were still ringing in your ears just moments ago disappear without a trace. Maybe you were just joking around with the taxi driver about the terrible traffic in the city, but now you’re completely falling apart.
You think about the people you’ve loved, the people you’ve hurt, and the people who’ve hurt you. You lean against the door in the darkness, shutting out the world outside.
This is the real you. The laughter you show people is real, but there are moments when you get lost and don’t know who you are.
Breakdown usually happens at the end of the show, because while it’s still going on, you tell yourself: “Hold it together.”
Fu Shouer said that a breakdown that you can’t hide is just a scar, but a hidden breakdown is a badge of honor.
Most people are like this after they grow up. Only kids will show their scars to everyone to get sympathy.
Adults only let their tears flow freely in the quiet of the night, when they’re alone.
You used to cry your eyes out when you were heartbroken, and you thought that was despair. But you’ll soon discover that there are many more things you can’t control in this world than just getting what you want.
It’s not like you can just get drunk once and vent your feelings and then it’s over.
Many times, your dreams are bitter, and waking up just makes it worse.
A breakdown is when you’ve built up too much despair, and when you can’t hold it in anymore, it all comes crashing down. You lose all your reason, and you don’t even recognize yourself.
Who hasn’t broken down?
Just now I was watching the show “Golden Years,” and Zhu Suo Suo is giving birth in the delivery room, but her husband Xie Hongzu is nowhere to be found. She’s in agony, and to top it off, her husband’s ex-girlfriend Zhao Maling shows up at the hospital and yells at her, forcing her to get a divorce.
Many women would be heartbroken, and Zhu Suo Suo was so desperate she thought she couldn’t go on.
But that moment passed, and she decided she had to live. She had to fight for her little baby.
Isn’t that how it is? After each despair, you put on your armor and get ready to fight again.
In that moment between life and death, her sanity returned. Because if you can’t control your sanity, then you’re bound to fail, and you’ll never forgive yourself for your weakness.
Getting through it might not bring you a rainbow, but your battered heart will be as hard as a rock.
Life might throw more problems your way, but you’ve learned to face them bravely.
What else can you do? Each of us is like a grain of sand in the vast ocean, so small we can almost be ignored.
But that’s to others. For yourself, every day of your life is your own.
If you don’t learn to let go, no one is going to force you, but you won’t be able to make peace with yourself.
Everyone wants to live a dignified, graceful life. But the truth is, behind everyone’s glamorous facade, there’s been ugliness.
Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. That’s the reality of life.
Don’t envy others, and never doubt yourself.
They say that people write about the joys and sorrows of life in their social media posts at dawn.
Only at dawn can you see other people’s vulnerability. But those traces disappear without a trace before sunrise, as if they never existed.
Actually, everyone is the same.
Everyone goes through all kinds of challenges in life. As Fu Shouer said, hide your weakest self and show your best self to everyone. Hiding is a necessary skill for adults, a demand on yourself.
Because showing your wounds to others, besides getting temporary sympathy, won’t get you anything.
In the world of adults, no one cares how much hardship you’ve faced today. With the sunrise tomorrow, there will still be things you need to do.
So, more and more people learn to hide their worst selves and show their best selves to others. No matter how much they break down, they wipe away their tears and pretend nothing happened.
Sometimes, even though you really want to talk, you really want to hear that person’s voice on the other end of the phone in the lonely night.
But you try to dial the number and then delete it again and again. In this hesitation, you start to get stronger little by little.
Because you know that asking for help from anyone won’t solve anything. Some things you have to deal with alone.
Most importantly, people’s joys and sorrows are not the same. You’re afraid of the other person’s careless attitude. You might even hear the phone being hung up or no one picking up for a long time.
That moment will only hurt more. You refuse to face this reality because you still have a little hope left.
But when others ask you, you’ll just say lightly, “Nothing, I’m fine. I can handle my own business.”
You’re kind and gentle with others. No one sees your struggle in the dark.
You’ve also gradually gotten used to this scene. The anxiety and unease that keep you tossing and turning are no longer the focus.
The focus is that you’re living a dignified life.
For many people, dignity is very important.
Even though you’re still struggling to breathe under the weight of life, even though you’re sometimes so desperate you want to give up everything, even though you want to curse the whole world…
But in the end, you’ll say gracefully, “Screw it, who cares about right and wrong, love and hate.”
Actually, everyone is the same. Hiding your breakdown is just learning to make peace with yourself.
Because some things, you just have to let go.
Instead of letting it all come crashing down, it’s better to be calm and kind to yourself.
Isn’t that right? Life is already hard enough. Learn to accept the bitter and sweet it brings you. Only then can you truly be okay.
