“Habit” is a Great Noun that Can Replace All the Unutterable
I once received a message from a friend. She said: As a person born in the 90s, for the first time, I strongly desire to remain single, not wanting to be someone’s wife, daughter-in-law, dealing with unavoidable social obligations. I don’t want to cook for anyone or overthink because of a tone or a look.
I look down on those indifferent men who still hold onto outdated beliefs, thinking that men just need to sit back and relax, waiting to be served. If marriage in the 21st century is still like this, then I firmly believe in staying single. In this lifetime, I only want to be my parents’ daughter, earn enough to support myself, take care of them. That’s the ideal life for me.
After hearing her words, I felt sorry for her because in this new century, I don’t think such outdated views should exist in love.
In the letter, she told me that she had been in a relationship with her boyfriend for three years. At the beginning of their relationship, her boyfriend was willing to do anything for her. But as time passed and they started living together, he would come home from work every day, sit on the couch watching TV or play games in the room, never helping with household chores after dinner.
He hadn’t even swept the floor once. He acted like the boss, hands-off. Once when she was having severe menstrual cramps and cooked dinner late, her boyfriend came home and blamed her for not doing anything productive all day. Since that incident, she realized that this kind of love wasn’t what she wanted.
She said that after that, she got used to doing chores alone, shopping alone, watching movies alone. Sometimes she even felt like she didn’t need her boyfriend that much. Eventually, they decided to break up, initiated by her, and he didn’t try to stop her.
After the breakup, she chose to focus on work. Through hard work day and night, she found hope in life. Although she would think of him from time to time, she said she had gotten used to this life. Now, she has a car, a house, doesn’t rely on anyone else, lives like a man, and even though friends and relatives try to introduce her to new dates, she is used to being alone.
She said, “Being alone is quite nice. No disappointments, no expectations, just quietly working hard every day.” Yes, maybe “habit” is a great word for adults, replacing all the unutterable.
If happiness is a skill, I hope we are all the best at it.
I have a friend, 28 years old this year. She started her own business in her first year of college. At that time, her family strongly opposed a girl wandering outside and hoped she would return to the small town to find a stable job, get married, have children. But that kind of life was like slow suicide to her, so she directly rejected her parents’ arrangement.
For a period, she didn’t contact her family, worked on her business alone, ate alone. She could understand her parents’ lack of understanding, so all she wanted to do was to achieve success and make her parents feel at ease.
To make her parents believe that her principles were right, she worked day and night, constantly met clients, talked business. There was a time when she felt suppressed and even had to take sleeping pills to fall asleep.
Later, due to the stress, she almost broke down. After seeing a psychologist, she realized that happiness comes from within. Since then, she no longer works under pressure and doesn’t care about what others gossip about her because she knows that her life is her own and has nothing to do with others.
Now, compared to peers, she has a successful career. Every year, she takes her parents on vacation. She once said something that left a deep impression on me. She said, “Many times, what we lack is not a partner but a harmonious soul. Someone who understands your unspoken words and cares about your unsaid thoughts.
We all hope to meet someone like that, but we don’t realize that such people are rare. So, if we don’t find them, we have to get used to being alone. If happiness is a skill, I hope we are all the best at it.”
Adult life is full of bitterness. What makes adults most upset is not pressure but emotions. If one’s emotions are hard to digest, they will eventually turn into invisible pressure.
In a movie, there is a line: “Look, it’s pitch black ahead, can’t see a thing.” “No, it will be beautiful when the day breaks.”
Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes, the idea of getting used to something is just an excuse for adults to hide their sorrows. But I hope that everyone can face life bravely, be the happiest person, and ride the waves.
I hope that when facing all the bitterness and grievances, everyone can smile at life, get used to all the imperfections, and persist in being the happiest person.
