Good Spousal Relationship, Not About Traditional Gender Roles
In ancient times, the concept of the husband working outside and the wife managing the household was considered the norm. If a woman appeared in public, it was seen as a disgrace to the man and she would be criticized and looked down upon by others.
Nowadays, with gender equality, many women have become the pillars of their families. However, due to the need for family stability and the traditional roles of childbearing and nursing, many families still follow the pattern of the husband working inside and the wife working outside.
This arrangement is considered by many to be the perfect match, but I disagree.
In this new era, young couples face great challenges in establishing themselves in a city without external support. Additionally, the risk of unemployment for men is increasing, leading to greater pressure for them.
The husband, exhausted from dealing with clients and bowing to his boss all day, may come home to his wife’s sarcasm and even loud scolding. He feels like a child who has made a mistake, unsure of which way to turn. He cannot offend his clients or his boss, and he even dares not confront his wife. This situation could lead to the breakdown of the family.
It is said that men in this era live like dogs, constantly bowing down. While this may be an exaggeration, the pressure on this generation is immense. If the man alone is responsible for the family’s expenses and income, the risk is too great for the family.
Take for example, my cousin who just turned forty today.
In the past decade, he flourished in his career while his wife never worked outside, taking care of the children and the household. With his career advancement, their lives improved. They even built a house in their hometown a few years ago and planned to save money to buy a house in the city for their children’s education.
Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned. The company suddenly went bankrupt, my cousin lost his job, and he couldn’t find a suitable one for a while. Their savings dwindled, and their child needed several thousand dollars for exam preparation.
This added more despair to their already difficult life. With no source of income, the days dragged on, the child lost confidence, and the wife demanded a divorce. My cousin’s situation could be described as utterly hopeless.
If my cousin’s wife had chosen to work when the child could go to school on their own, at least during the period of my cousin’s career, the family wouldn’t have faced financial shortages. My cousin could have had more time to find a suitable job, and their family could have been more warm and happy if they had worked together.
Therefore, I believe that a good spousal relationship does not rely on traditional gender roles. In this new era, with greater pressure comes more opportunities. As long as you are willing to learn and work hard, women can find suitable jobs and support a family when necessary.
If a man temporarily can’t find a suitable job, he can spend more time with the children, do housework, and experience the frustrations of a woman handling these tasks. After this experience, I believe both men and women can quickly change their perspectives and be more understanding towards each other.
In the second year after graduating from college, Tom married his first love. At first, they were both young, and the girl was somewhat capricious. Whenever things didn’t go well at work, she would change jobs decisively. Tom didn’t mind, and since they had no children, her taking care of the household while he worked seemed fine.
Because Tom knew that she was not lazy, and she had her own thoughts. She was like a bird longing for freedom and wouldn’t stop until she found her desired path.
Tom wanted to work harder to provide her with a comfortable and stable home as soon as possible. After all, they had a simple marriage, and she never despised his poverty.
In the third year of their marriage, they had their own child. Tom worked even harder, and his wife, a capable woman, managed the household and even cooked for herself during pregnancy.
Both of them made relentless efforts to improve their little family. Tom worked overtime to save money for their child, while his wife, apart from taking care of herself, managed the household frugally. After their child was born, they managed to save some money and decided to buy a small house in the city.
Their savings were only enough for a down payment. Tom’s wife thought it would be too much pressure for him to pay the mortgage alone. So, she gathered the remaining money from her parents and relatives, and they bought the house in full.
Before their child started kindergarten, his wife ran a stall to supplement their income while taking care of the child. Tom saved all the money he earned to pay off the house debt, which they managed to do quickly.
When their child started kindergarten, she quickly found a part-time job online for the flexibility it offered. This job experience eventually led her to a well-paying job. They worked together, taking care of the child and doing household chores based on who had more free time. Through this gradual adjustment, their child grew up healthy, and their relationship deepened.
When Tom wanted to change jobs, he didn’t need to rush. He could choose a job he liked without feeling anxious about temporary unemployment because his wife was there to support him. He could take a break for a while and spend time with the child.
During this time, he could experience the frustrations of his wife handling household chores and come to cherish and adore her even more. They understood and supported each other, putting in all their efforts for their family, leading to discussions instead of quarrels, and emotional outlets instead of tantrums. They were tolerant and understanding of each other, becoming each other’s truest support.
