Enduring the Pain of Betrayal in Marriage, Whether to Stay or Leave, Both Hurt
Someone asked me: How can one quickly break free from the pain of betrayal in a relationship?
If there must be a definitive answer, then accepting that this relationship is no longer perfect is the right solution.
Many people get stuck in the pain of betrayal in a relationship because they still expect perfection or are unwilling to face imperfection.
At first glance, it may seem like the direct issue in experiencing betrayal in marriage and relationships is whether to forgive or to end it. However, even if you can make such a choice, your inner self may not necessarily heal.
When facing relationship betrayal, people get entangled in their minds because subconsciously, they are always trying to find a “perfect” solution that can heal the pain and resolve the conflict. Many people choose to reconcile because initially, it implies getting back on track. You thought that as long as everything returns to normal, the past is gone, and the future is resolved.
But reality is not that simple.
Betrayal is an indelible scar on marriage. If you choose to continue, it means accepting this scar. When you resist this, pain arises. At that point, you may think of ending it, but then you are reluctant to let go, and you hope to continue, creating a cycle of indecision.
This cycle not only tortures the mind but also leaves life stagnated. You keep spinning in place, unable to move even a small step forward.
This is a common problem many people face in reality, so how do you solve it?
The answer is to accept imperfection.
Whether you choose to continue or end it, both mean imperfection.
Continuing means accepting an imperfect marriage because in your mind, a perfect marriage and relationship should be lifelong and without betrayal. Ending it is also imperfect, as besides the emotional and relational ending, you have to deal with the imperfections involving family, children, and more.
Those who accept betrayal for the sake of giving their children a complete family consider the “children” aspect as perfection. However, choosing “children” as “perfection” means you have to accept other contradictions and imperfections.
By accepting imperfection, you may find relief and avoid deepening your pain. You might not even dwell too much on how to deal with this relationship—learn to set aside things you can’t decide on for now, that’s what “don’t be too hard on yourself” means.
In reality, our lives are inherently imperfect. We always have regrets, face hardships, and the same goes for marriage and relationships—experiencing betrayal is just a lesson life teaches us in this aspect.
Of course, accepting imperfection is not about passively compromising or enduring.
The key difference is that after you’ve learned to accept imperfection, can you live a new life.
Some people forgive and continue their marriage after experiencing betrayal, letting go of the past and themselves, and gradually, their marriage becomes happier.
Some, due to attachment, continue the marriage after betrayal but become indifferent to the relationship, learn to love themselves, take responsibility in the marriage, and also live well.
And some choose to end it completely, then start a new independent life, continually striving to improve themselves and becoming better.
So, truly accepting imperfection is about freeing yourself from mental constraints, letting go of the past, shedding burdens, and starting anew.
Yes, enduring the pain of betrayal in relationships, whether to stay or leave, both hurt, but it’s essential to understand: the pain we endure must be given a positive meaning, so that these experiences are not suffered in vain.
