Don’t Treat Emotions as the Only Path to Happiness After Betrayal
Once someone experiences betrayal in a relationship, they start to see things differently. Like how they face the person who hurt them, the meaning of marriage, and what emotions really are.
From a certain perspective, the more you learn about these aspects, the more you reshape your inner self. This experience becomes more meaningful. When this meaning surpasses a certain level, the ultimate outcome of the marriage or relationship becomes less important. You’ve already gained what you needed, and that’s sufficient.
In this reconstructed awareness system, the most crucial thing is to redefine how a marriage or relationship relates to your happiness in life. You need to reconstruct this connection.
Without emotional betrayal, many people’s lives revolve around marriage and family. Traditional individuals value marriage and emotions highly as it aligns with their inner desires and what they believe forms the foundation of happiness.
Under the long-term marriage model, this kind of construction interacts. The more you understand marriage and emotions this way, the heavier the relationship becomes in your heart. Consequently, its impact on your lifelong happiness intensifies. If this relationship continues this way and you encounter someone responsible and grateful, you might lead a very happy life.
However, if a fundamental change occurs, and the person you’re married to betrays and hurts you, the long-term construction you had will only amplify the pain you feel. This betrayal not only hurts your emotions and spirit but also damages the relationship you have invested in for so long and shatters all the beautiful visions you had for the future.
This is why many people try to salvage and repair things. It’s not because they believe they can forgive or accept the betrayal. It’s because they can’t bear to let go of all the effort and dedication they put in, and they can’t face the unknown and uncontrollable fear of the future.
They mistakenly believe that as long as the other person turns back and they forgive and let go, everything will magically go back to normal.
But that’s far from the truth.
The biggest loss deep down for someone who has experienced betrayal is a sense of security. When your marriage was happy or before the betrayal, this security was solid. Now that it’s gone, even if the other person changes their ways, you still won’t regain that sense of security. Why? Because a voice inside you will always remind you that your partner is capable of betraying you, and you can never guarantee they won’t do it again.
So, completely resolving this lack of security doesn’t happen just because the other person changes. Moreover, not many people who have experienced betrayal can genuinely turn back.
So, what should you do at this point?
This brings us back to the earlier point—you must learn to reconstruct.
Previously, your equation was: Happy Marriage = Happy Life;
Now, your construction must be: ? = Happy Marriage.
This ‘?’ is the task you need to figure out for yourself.
The answer to this ‘?’ is actually you. In the past, you relied on marriage and emotions to find happiness, security, and fulfillment. But after experiencing betrayal, you need to break this association. We often say you should rely on yourself, and that’s exactly what it means.
There are many sources of happiness in life, like work, career, friends, relationships, or even hobbies. Focusing on cooking delicious food, for example, can bring happiness.
Therefore, after experiencing emotional betrayal, you must learn to shift your focus and reconstruct the sources of your happiness or safety. If you don’t make this effort or complete this shift, regardless of how the other person treats you, you’ll find it challenging to be truly happy in life.
Experiencing betrayal serves as a reminder that you can’t solely rely on a marriage or relationship to support your overall happiness in life. An important hidden truth emerges—relationships are a decision made by two people. So, no matter how hard you try, you can only control 50% of it. The other 50% is in the hands of the other person. If they betray you, your happiness collapses destructively.
Once you understand this, you gain profound insights into the lesson of finding happiness in marriage and relationships. If you combine this realization with your efforts to establish your sources of happiness in things you can fully control, you’ll gradually find happiness again, and your sense of security will return.
When that happens, you’ll see the positive and meaningful aspects of everything you’ve been through. These experiences allow you to gain new knowledge and reshape yourself—a self that is more independent and can rely on itself more.
