After Ending a Marriage, Choosing to Be Single or Pursue a New Relationship

When it comes to marriage, divorce is always a possibility. So, how do those who have gone through divorce view marriage and relationships?

The best answer I’ve heard is this: I still wish happiness for those in happy marriages, but I am content with a single life. For those who have been divorced, they probably understand that marriage is just one way of life. Whether to divorce depends not only on fate but also on what kind of life one wants.

Some remarry after divorce, while others remain single forever—what matters is their happiness, nothing else.

Our interpretations of everything stem from our experiences. When a marriage ends abruptly, the greatest hurt is not the collapse of the family but realizing that all the good notions about marriage were possibly wrong. Divorce may prompt some to quickly seek another relationship to fill the sudden void within them. Starting a new relationship might seem like the best way to truly end an old one.

However, there are two issues here. First, you may doubt your luck in meeting a good person. What if you encounter a terrible person, making it hard to recover? Second, if you don’t cleanly end the previous relationship, it can pose risks to the new one, making both parties irresponsible.

So, after divorce, give yourself a period of solitude. Though lonely, it helps you understand what marriage and relationships really mean to you. Only when you are comfortable with solitude can you decide if pursuing a new relationship is better than staying single. Many who have been hurt in relationships and ended up divorcing may choose to remain single.

Their decision stems from deep disappointment and disillusionment with relationships and marriage. They vow never to go down that path again. Although this outlook is influenced by their experiences, it’s crucial to understand that the disappointments arise from specific individuals, not relationships or marriage itself.

So, if someone chooses to remain single after divorce because they believe relationships and marriage are inherently bad, thinking all men are unreliable or all women are manipulative, it’s a skewed perspective. It’s not only shortsighted but also a way of punishing oneself for others’ mistakes.

The best attitude after divorce is to still believe in the existence of happy relationships and marriages in this world, even if you may not be fortunate enough to have one. So, when you see happy marriages, continue to genuinely wish them well. Don’t undermine their happiness by assuming it’s all a facade destined for failure.

Especially, don’t fall into the trap of thinking “I’m not good, so I hope others aren’t either.” Such a mindset reveals a lack of broadmindedness and positivity. If that’s the case, even being single won’t bring happiness, as one will resent others’ joy and isolate themselves.

Believing in good relationships and marriage doesn’t necessarily mean one must pursue another relationship or marriage. It may mean choosing to remain single for life.

Both marriage and singlehood have their pros and cons. Choosing to be single may stem from fear instilled by past marriages, preferring to endure the solitude of singlehood over the potential pain of marriage. Such a choice is common among kind-hearted yet emotionally fragile individuals.

Divorce is like shedding a layer of skin. For those who have divorced and choose not to remarry to avoid potential pain, the idea of starting over seems exhausting. After years of emotional exhaustion from relationships and marriage, choosing to be alone can seem quite appealing.

In reality, someone who remains without a new relationship for two to three years post-divorce—by choice, not due to lack of suitable partners—may likely avoid relationships for a long time, unless they meet someone truly exceptional who can heal their past wounds and restore their faith in warmth, sincerity, and the beauty of relationships and marriage. However, such individuals are rare.

Therefore, whether one remarries or remains single, it’s just a lifestyle choice. The ultimate criterion is happiness. If happiness seems elusive, living a decent life where you can eat well, sleep soundly, and do things you love every day is sufficient.